Writer's Block: The second time around
May. 21st, 2010 04:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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This question is very ambiguous. I fall in love with my boyfriend repeatedly. The love is steady, it's there, calm and reassuring like a nice warm sunny day, but sometimes there are those...breathless "oh, wow" moments. Those times when I blink and I'm speechless and...yeah, I literally go "oh, wow" and sometimes I actually tell him "I just fell in love with you again." At least I'm pretty sure I have. (I have a lot of imaginary conversations so telling them apart from real ones is difficult, at times.) Ah, yes, like waves of love, or, to continue with my sunny day metaphor, like a really strong breeze that makes you even more glad you're outside and draws your attention outside from where it was (usually a book for me, or my inner thoughts) and makes you realize how damn beautiful it is outside and how lucky you are you're basking some place warm and safe without war or famine going around you.
(Wow, I cannot write romantic thoughts without bringing in downers.)
So, in that interpretation I bloody hell think it's possible to fall in love with the same person twice in a lifetime. Or darnit, more than twice.
I also think there's a difference between being "in love" with someone and "loving" them. The distinct is mostly romantic vs. platonic, in my mind. I love Kyle, my best friend and a former boyfriend, a lot but I'm not in love with him. I love some very close female friends, but I'm not in love with them. I consider Matt a friend, so I love him, and I consider him my lover, so I'm in love with him, too.
It seems, however, that this question is asking about people you were in a relationship with, then had a concrete break up, and now wondering if you could fall in love with them again.
I'm of the belief that people can change so it's possible that, yeah, you and some guy/girl could meet up by chance in 7 or so years time, get to talking and realize that, hey, the reasons why we broke up the first time are no longer big issues and we can try again in a romantic relationship. I also believe that some time totally apart is necessary for fate and these people to change themselves and see if they happen to find a click again somewhere down the line. I think it'd be more successful if people didn't plan to find each other again and have some kind of timeline or deadline. That seems forced to me. I'm romantic enough to believe the bumping-into-each-other event should be random and a surprise. Or, I suppose, one person could reach out to the other after a few years have passed and see how they're doing. Of course, there are stories where one person finds their old girlfriend/boyfriend and realizes they're still in love with them but then the old significant other is with someone else... Unrequited love... I guess in those cases, they had one shot.
I've had a very immature and condensed version of "try try again" -- first relationship, it was a learning experience looking back though it took a few years to sink in. Unlike some people I've been in relationships with or friends, when a relationship ends that I want to end, I don't have any remaining "in love" feelings for them. It just ends and I don't know how to explain it to my friends who don't feel that way, just as they can't explain to me how they continually love after a relationship ends (in what I think is a somewhat 'in love' feeling) in ways I feel and understand it, instead of intellectually understanding. I don't see a rekindling of past romances in my future, just based on my own experiences. But, well, I did say I believe it should be out-of-the-blue (or better if it was). I don't want to see myself in that situation because that'd mean Matt and I aren't together anymore...
Wow, I am so not coherent today.
This question is very ambiguous. I fall in love with my boyfriend repeatedly. The love is steady, it's there, calm and reassuring like a nice warm sunny day, but sometimes there are those...breathless "oh, wow" moments. Those times when I blink and I'm speechless and...yeah, I literally go "oh, wow" and sometimes I actually tell him "I just fell in love with you again." At least I'm pretty sure I have. (I have a lot of imaginary conversations so telling them apart from real ones is difficult, at times.) Ah, yes, like waves of love, or, to continue with my sunny day metaphor, like a really strong breeze that makes you even more glad you're outside and draws your attention outside from where it was (usually a book for me, or my inner thoughts) and makes you realize how damn beautiful it is outside and how lucky you are you're basking some place warm and safe without war or famine going around you.
(Wow, I cannot write romantic thoughts without bringing in downers.)
So, in that interpretation I bloody hell think it's possible to fall in love with the same person twice in a lifetime. Or darnit, more than twice.
I also think there's a difference between being "in love" with someone and "loving" them. The distinct is mostly romantic vs. platonic, in my mind. I love Kyle, my best friend and a former boyfriend, a lot but I'm not in love with him. I love some very close female friends, but I'm not in love with them. I consider Matt a friend, so I love him, and I consider him my lover, so I'm in love with him, too.
It seems, however, that this question is asking about people you were in a relationship with, then had a concrete break up, and now wondering if you could fall in love with them again.
I'm of the belief that people can change so it's possible that, yeah, you and some guy/girl could meet up by chance in 7 or so years time, get to talking and realize that, hey, the reasons why we broke up the first time are no longer big issues and we can try again in a romantic relationship. I also believe that some time totally apart is necessary for fate and these people to change themselves and see if they happen to find a click again somewhere down the line. I think it'd be more successful if people didn't plan to find each other again and have some kind of timeline or deadline. That seems forced to me. I'm romantic enough to believe the bumping-into-each-other event should be random and a surprise. Or, I suppose, one person could reach out to the other after a few years have passed and see how they're doing. Of course, there are stories where one person finds their old girlfriend/boyfriend and realizes they're still in love with them but then the old significant other is with someone else... Unrequited love... I guess in those cases, they had one shot.
I've had a very immature and condensed version of "try try again" -- first relationship, it was a learning experience looking back though it took a few years to sink in. Unlike some people I've been in relationships with or friends, when a relationship ends that I want to end, I don't have any remaining "in love" feelings for them. It just ends and I don't know how to explain it to my friends who don't feel that way, just as they can't explain to me how they continually love after a relationship ends (in what I think is a somewhat 'in love' feeling) in ways I feel and understand it, instead of intellectually understanding. I don't see a rekindling of past romances in my future, just based on my own experiences. But, well, I did say I believe it should be out-of-the-blue (or better if it was). I don't want to see myself in that situation because that'd mean Matt and I aren't together anymore...
Wow, I am so not coherent today.
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no subject
Date: 2010-05-21 11:31 pm (UTC)I dunno. It all seems so strange and messed up in my head. I've seen boys before him, I've seen boys after him. My feelings for them didn't even extend to the end of our relationships. With this one though, I don't think my feelings ever really subsided .I broke things off because we were in a bad place and it seemed essential for our wellbeing that we ended things.
But now... he's back on track. He's lost weight, he's kicked the drugs, he's got himself a proper job. He's even started running after hearing about how well I'm doing with it. He seems to be making a genuinely concerted effort to right the issues that I had with him. But I don't know how much people can change - will he have kicked the nasty cheating habit? It's possible - the other things he's done will have impacted on his self esteem and that was largely the reason why he cheated - so he felt better about himself.
We've been split up for a year and a half with little to no contact for the most part. It seems stupid to both have feelings for the other. To both still dream about eachother, to think about the what-ifs. the potential marriage, the nice house, the perfect life, all the stupid romantic things we used to do for eachother and have never done for anyone else (valentines day for instance, was a huge deal for us. We'd splash out loads on amazing hotel rooms with spiral staircases and shit... and this year for valentines I shared an 8th with Cliff in front of the TV and we didn't even give eachother cards.)
It's like it's an actual effort to stay apart from him when every part of myself wants a relationship with him... only this time with the maturity that I have gained in the year and a half I have spent on my own. Surely these feeling should have subsided by now? It's been a year and a half so why do I still feel for him. Ugh, I hate emotions, I cannot deal with them half the time.
So yeah. That was why I had a little tantrum about this question tonight. Because I don't know how I feel about the idea you can fall in love with someone twice. It opens up the idea that maybe he was the right person for me, it was just the wrong time for the relationship.
Wow. sorry for the rant <3
no subject
Date: 2010-05-24 03:37 pm (UTC)At first I thought you meant Cliff as the "ex" since he was the most recent one but I saw I was wrong. It's hard to let go of feelings or memories when circumstances tend to do more with the break-up than actual loss of feelings. :( But wow, that Valentine's Day you described was pretty splashy.
Did you take him up on the offer to meet together and catch up, or is that still on the table or did you say no? I came to know you about the tail-end of that relationship, so I have little "at-the-moment" background. Good for him for taking steps to a healthier and more self-sufficient lifestyle, especially since he's capable of it.