D'Izzy Words

Credit goes to twinklewitch   for the FO banner.

I miss this girl.  We weren't everyday talkers after we lived apart, after she graduated, after I graduated, but the times we got together every so many months, it was pretty fabulous and we could talk for hours, also on the phone. 

She was my freshman roommate back in college and we spent about 5 hours talking internationally - Alaska, USA to Malaysia - before we got to campus.  She rocks.  She doesn't take bullshit. She's ambitious, straightforward, goal-oriented, has surprising and likable interests and quirks, maybe intimidating initially but she doesn't make you feel awkward.  I cried when we said goodbye after the goodbye dinner at Athena's. That's when it hit me. During dinner, I was a little quiet, more in the observation and soaking in role.  That last weekend, that last Sunday.

I have to buy more postcards so anybody want to get in? I wouldn't mind receiving a postcard, either. It'd make it more like I'm here if I receive more mail.

Anyway, replies are screened so feel free to drop your address in the comment or private message me if you want!

Letter! I haz letter!

from Matthew!!!

It took four days to get here!

FOUR FLIPPING DAYS when it sometimes seems within US mail takes that long.

FOUR DAYS FROM Chicago to Warsaw!

Just yesterday on Gmail chat we were talking about DHL and mail. (Did you know DHL ceased operations in the US a few years ago but it's strong elsewhere and they deliver to Iran, Cuba and North Korea? North Korea! And it's part of Deutsche Post?)

I cried while reading the letter. I smiled. I laughed a little.

A letter and a drawing in Matt's handwriting...

It's basically finding your soulmate when you see them. It doesn't care for age differences. A 17 year can imprint with a 4 year old. The 17 year old just has to wait until the 4 year old grows up.

Or, in Jacob's case, a 17/18 year old can imprint on a newborn baby.

( Let someone be the center of the universe, let your self float away! )
How is losing your sense of self admirable? How can making your life revolve around one being someone you yearn for, in a partner?

No doubt Jacob will help raise Renesmee, but I suppose my mind is having a very, very hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that he'll have to go from a fatherly/brotherly type of love and support to a, well, romantic type of love and support. Because, ultimately, imprinting is suppose to procure werewolves/offspring/love sex joy joy. I don't understand this transition. I know a few friends who have had friends who've waited until someone is legal before anything physically starts (though emails/texts/chats have not really been non-sexual). That's when the person's still a teenager. This, and other examples, are when the other person is a baby, or a toddler. I just...I get squicked out, to use a phrase from the Internet.

It also bothers me that finding your soulmate, in this universe, means losing your sense of self. It means having the other person become the center of the universe, the gravity of the earth. That's suppose unhealthy and kind of creepy.

Growing up, I've read romance novels or young adult/teen books about romance. It really skewed my expectations for relationships, for males. It joined other factors like observing my parents or sisters or other forms of (mostly Western) media. This before my depression kicked in.

Reading these books and being exposed to the media and my parents hammered home the points:
( Bad love/relationship expectations )

Holy fuck, I just thought of the book the fifth point refers to for the first time today in a long fucking time. I can't believe, as a kid, I gobbled up all the romance novels set in the 1500 or 1600's or whatever in Europe/London, you know, with Ton and everything. It was rape. I can't believe I read that book and was completely okay with it whereas I saw Jodie Foster in The Accused and that really stuck with me so much and besides my parents forbidding me to wear short skirts after I got my period (due to religious beliefs), that movie also scared off short skirts.

Was it because one was written and the other was visual? Was it because in one, it was his wife and I was expected to believe the male to have sexual power and knowledge and use it and in the other it was clearly strangers raping Jodie Foster's character? Oh, my God, did I condone what was essentially a rape in one book, by not reacting badly to it?

Even if the setting and time period in the book condones rape or males sexually assaulting their fiancee or wives, I wasn't raised in that period. That book was heavy on victim-blaming and the victim/female taking all the blame for all the fights in the relationship upon her shoulders. I shouldn't have been "okay, cool" and just gone on to the next book.

Oh, God. I feel so bad for reading that book and thinking it was completely okay. Oh, my God, I liked a book that endorses rape-culture.

"Sometimes it was so easy to forget that I was kissing a vampire. Not because he seemed ordinary or human -- I could never for a second forget that I was holding someone more angel than man in my arms -- but because he made it seem like nothing at all to have his lips against my lips, my face, my throat."

"SOMEONE MORE ANGEL THAN MAN."

Oh, dear Gods...

Btw, from the last Twilight book.

I can't wait until your Gold Dust album comes out! 

I haven't bought a ticket for your concert here in Warsaw in October.  For one, not sure how to get there, for another I'll be going alone, and for third, it's before my GRE and I didn't exactly study as much as I should have and did as well as I could have for my previous GRE.

Four photos from her Gold Dust photoshoot seen here.

A teaser


Can't believe she's 49 years old!

Wore my ears while packing. it's therapeutic. Happier memories, when leaving wasn't something we thought of.

Now we're struggling with Catharine. She's a hard one to pass by and she's an icy bitch right now. In a wedding dress.