Notes from Crazy Love - Cluster C

[hani_backup]

Cluster C!

Cluster C: Anxious, Withdrawn, and Needy Partners

 

The Scared Partner: The Avoidance Personality

• Avoids occupational activities that involve a large amount of contact with others because of fear of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
• Is not willing to get involved with other people unless certain of being liked
• Doesn’t share easily in close or intimate relationships for fear of being shamed or ridiculed
• Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected when in social situations
• Is inhibited or uncomfortable in new social situations because of feelings of inadequacy

 

Living W/ an Avoidant Partner

• Be realistic about your expectations
• Gently but honestly tell your partner what you need
• Try to open doors for yourself and your partner
• Urge your partner to seek out professional help

 

The Sticky Partner: The Dependent Personality

• Has difficulty making everyday decisions without a lot of advices and reassurances from you and from others
• Needs you, or others, to assume responsibility for most major areas of their life
• Has difficulty disagreeing or taking a stand against others for fear of disapproval or loss of support
• Has a hard time starting projects or doing things herself because of a lack of confidence in her abilities or judgments
• Goes to great lengths for nurturance and support from others and will sometimes  even volunteer to do things that are unpleasant to feed this need
• Often feels uncomfortable and helpless when alone because of intense fears of being unable to take care of herself
• Quickly and urgently seeks new relationships for care and support when a close relationship ends
• Is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of having to take care of herself

 

Living W/ a Dependent Partner

• As always, be cautiously optimistic
• Help your partner enjoy small successes
• Open up your partner’s world
• Reinforce acquisition of competencies
• Allow your partner to be the expert and call the shots
• Will therapy help?
  
  

The Rigid Partner: The Obsessive-Compulsive Personality

• Is so preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, and schedules that the points of the activity or any enjoyment are lost
• Is such a perfectionist that tasks don’t get completed
• Is excessively devoted to work and to productivity to the exclusion of relationships, fun, and leisure activities
• Is overconscientious and inflexible about morality or ethical rules
• Is unable to throw away old, worn-out, or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value
• Doesn’t like to delegate tasks or work to others unless it is done precisely his way
• Is a miserly spender on himself and others
• Is rigid and stubborn and has a high need for control

Note – very different from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (severe anxiety disorder)

Those suffering from OCPD do no generally feed the need to repeatedly perform ritualistic actions in order to control anxiety-provoking obsessions. Pppl with OCPD have personality traits perfectionism, control, order, rigidity, and stubbornness, but they are rarely overwhelmed by anxiety or plagued by disturbing thoughts.

 

Living W/ an Obsessive-Compulsive Partner

·         Be very realistic about your expectations

·         Help your partner see the bigger picture

·         Help your partner with empathy

·         Capitalize on your partner’s strengths

·         Therapy probably won’t hurt

 

The Glum: The Depressive Personality

• Overall demeanor is defined by gloominess, cheerlessness, and unhappiness
• Sense of self is defined by feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and low self-esteem
• Is critical, blaming, and negative toward himself
• Tends to brood and worry
• Is negative, critical, and judgmental to you and others
• Is pessimistic about almost everything
• Tends to feel guilty and remorseful

Note – while not a serious mood disorder (like major depression or bipolar disorder), the depressive person has symptoms that mimic those of someone who is chronically depressed

(Eeyore Syndrome)

 

Living W/ a Depressive Partner

• Anticipate small changes
• Be aware of your role in reinforcing your partner’s behavior
• Teach your partner to stop and enjoy the small things in life
• Engage in cognitive reframing
• Therapy may be useful

Comments

[hani.livejournal.com]

Hi Scott,

Right now I'm a little unfocused to reply to your comment with anything but a

"Thank you for taking the time to read the past few entries, and thank you for letting me know something I wrote/took notes of resonated with you. Your comment meant a lot to me."