Notes from Crazy Love - Cluster C
May. 15th, 2010 04:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Cluster C: Anxious, Withdrawn, and Needy Partners
The Scared Partner: The Avoidance Personality
- Avoids occupational activities that involve a large amount of contact with others because of fear of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
- Is not willing to get involved with other people unless certain of being liked
- Doesn’t share easily in close or intimate relationships for fear of being shamed or ridiculed
- Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected when in social situations
- Is inhibited or uncomfortable in new social situations because of feelings of inadequacy
Living W/ an Avoidant Partner
- Be realistic about your expectations
- Gently but honestly tell your partner what you need
- Try to open doors for yourself and your partner
- Urge your partner to seek out professional help
The Sticky Partner: The Dependent Personality
- Has difficulty making everyday decisions without a lot of advices and reassurances from you and from others
- Needs you, or others, to assume responsibility for most major areas of their life
- Has difficulty disagreeing or taking a stand against others for fear of disapproval or loss of support
- Has a hard time starting projects or doing things herself because of a lack of confidence in her abilities or judgments
- Goes to great lengths for nurturance and support from others and will sometimes even volunteer to do things that are unpleasant to feed this need
- Often feels uncomfortable and helpless when alone because of intense fears of being unable to take care of herself
- Quickly and urgently seeks new relationships for care and support when a close relationship ends
- Is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of having to take care of herself
Living W/ a Dependent Partner
- As always, be cautiously optimistic
- Help your partner enjoy small successes
- Open up your partner’s world
- Reinforce acquisition of competencies
- Allow your partner to be the expert and call the shots
- Will therapy help?
The Rigid Partner: The Obsessive-Compulsive Personality
- Is so preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, and schedules that the points of the activity or any enjoyment are lost
- Is such a perfectionist that tasks don’t get completed
- Is excessively devoted to work and to productivity to the exclusion of relationships, fun, and leisure activities
- Is overconscientious and inflexible about morality or ethical rules
- Is unable to throw away old, worn-out, or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value
- Doesn’t like to delegate tasks or work to others unless it is done precisely his way
- Is a miserly spender on himself and others
- Is rigid and stubborn and has a high need for control
Note – very different from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (severe anxiety disorder)
Those suffering from OCPD do no generally feed the need to repeatedly perform ritualistic actions in order to control anxiety-provoking obsessions. Pppl with OCPD have personality traits perfectionism, control, order, rigidity, and stubbornness, but they are rarely overwhelmed by anxiety or plagued by disturbing thoughts.
Living W/ an Obsessive-Compulsive Partner
· Be very realistic about your expectations
· Help your partner see the bigger picture
· Help your partner with empathy
· Capitalize on your partner’s strengths
· Therapy probably won’t hurt
The Glum: The Depressive Personality
- Overall demeanor is defined by gloominess, cheerlessness, and unhappiness
- Sense of self is defined by feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and low self-esteem
- Is critical, blaming, and negative toward himself
- Tends to brood and worry
- Is negative, critical, and judgmental to you and others
- Is pessimistic about almost everything
- Tends to feel guilty and remorseful
Note – while not a serious mood disorder (like major depression or bipolar disorder), the depressive person has symptoms that mimic those of someone who is chronically depressed
(Eeyore Syndrome)
Living W/ a Depressive Partner
- Anticipate small changes
- Be aware of your role in reinforcing your partner’s behavior
- Teach your partner to stop and enjoy the small things in life
- Engage in cognitive reframing
- Therapy may be useful