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Cluster C!

Cluster C: Anxious, Withdrawn, and Needy Partners


 

The Scared Partner: The Avoidance Personality

  • Avoids occupational activities that involve a large amount of contact with others because of fear of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
  • Is not willing to get involved with other people unless certain of being liked
  • Doesn’t share easily in close or intimate relationships for fear of being shamed or ridiculed
  • Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected when in social situations
  • Is inhibited or uncomfortable in new social situations because of feelings of inadequacy

 

Living W/ an Avoidant Partner

  • Be realistic about your expectations
  • Gently but honestly tell your partner what you need
  • Try to open doors for yourself and your partner
  • Urge your partner to seek out professional help

 

The Sticky Partner: The Dependent Personality

  • Has difficulty making everyday decisions without a lot of advices and reassurances from you and from others
  • Needs you, or others, to assume responsibility for most major areas of their life
  • Has difficulty disagreeing or taking a stand against others for fear of disapproval or loss of support
  • Has a hard time starting projects or doing things herself because of a lack of confidence in her abilities or judgments
  • Goes to great lengths for nurturance and support from others and will sometimes  even volunteer to do things that are unpleasant to feed this need
  • Often feels uncomfortable and helpless when alone because of intense fears of being unable to take care of herself
  • Quickly and urgently seeks new relationships for care and support when a close relationship ends
  • Is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of having to take care of herself

 

Living W/ a Dependent Partner

  • As always, be cautiously optimistic
  • Help your partner enjoy small successes
  • Open up your partner’s world
  • Reinforce acquisition of competencies
  • Allow your partner to be the expert and call the shots
  • Will therapy help?

The Rigid Partner: The Obsessive-Compulsive Personality

  • Is so preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, and schedules that the points of the activity or any enjoyment are lost
  • Is such a perfectionist that tasks don’t get completed
  • Is excessively devoted to work and to productivity to the exclusion of relationships, fun, and leisure activities
  • Is overconscientious and inflexible about morality or ethical rules
  • Is unable to throw away old, worn-out, or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value
  • Doesn’t like to delegate tasks or work to others unless it is done precisely his way
  • Is a miserly spender on himself and others
  • Is rigid and stubborn and has a high need for control

Note – very different from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (severe anxiety disorder)

Those suffering from OCPD do no generally feed the need to repeatedly perform ritualistic actions in order to control anxiety-provoking obsessions. Pppl with OCPD have personality traits perfectionism, control, order, rigidity, and stubbornness, but they are rarely overwhelmed by anxiety or plagued by disturbing thoughts.

 

Living W/ an Obsessive-Compulsive Partner

·         Be very realistic about your expectations

·         Help your partner see the bigger picture

·         Help your partner with empathy

·         Capitalize on your partner’s strengths

·         Therapy probably won’t hurt

 

The Glum: The Depressive Personality

  • Overall demeanor is defined by gloominess, cheerlessness, and unhappiness
  • Sense of self is defined by feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and low self-esteem
  • Is critical, blaming, and negative toward himself
  • Tends to brood and worry
  • Is negative, critical, and judgmental to you and others
  • Is pessimistic about almost everything
  • Tends to feel guilty and remorseful

Note – while not a serious mood disorder (like major depression or bipolar disorder), the depressive person has symptoms that mimic those of someone who is chronically depressed

(Eeyore Syndrome)

 

Living W/ a Depressive Partner

  • Anticipate small changes
  • Be aware of your role in reinforcing your partner’s behavior
  • Teach your partner to stop and enjoy the small things in life
  • Engage in cognitive reframing
  • Therapy may be useful
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September 2012

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