This is a really...uncomfortable article

[hani_backup]

I was reading Dear Prudence article from Slate.com.

This question caught my attention.

Warning: could be triggering about child abuse

Dear Prudence,
After raising my children alone, I found Mr. Right and got remarried. A few months after we were married, I found pictures of his stepdaughter from a previous marriage on his computer. He had always spoken of her as his daughter and said she thought of him as her father. These were nude pictures. When I questioned him, he said he did not take nude pictures but only modified them—just to see what she looked like naked. He explained that he did take pictures of her in lingerie on her wedding day and Photoshopped them to reflect her naked. This has been eating at me ever since. The bond between a parent and child is sacred, and I cannot understand the sexual pictures. I am afraid to have him around my daughters or granddaughter. Am I being paranoid?

—Bewildered Wife and Mom

Dear Bewildered,
When a letter starts with a wife sitting at her husband's computer, it's an inevitable cue for the staccato string music of Psycho. (I suppose the good news is that this image of the daughter-in-law won't be the family Christmas card.) Your husband's stated explanation for the photos may be true. If so, that means he was photographing his stepdaughter in her lingerie on her wedding day! If that's the case, the photos you saw don't just reflect his own private perversion, but show that his relationship with his stepdaughter has crossed so many lines that the two of them are tangled in a spool of yellow crime-scene tape. It's also possible he's lying about Photoshopping and that he has a cache of actual naked photos of her. Whatever really happened between them, you have just gotten an ugly look into the psyche of the man you married. I don't think you're being paranoid to worry about the safety of your daughters and granddaughter around him. But once you feel that way, it doesn't seem possible, or desirable, to continue in this marriage. Yes, it's a heavy blow to think you have finally found love, and find these photos instead. But at least you haven't invested years in this relationship—and I hope you've kept your financial investments separate. Someone who is afraid of her husband and is being eaten away by her knowledge about him is someone who needs to see a matrimonial attorney, ASAP.

—Prudie

I'm so horrified... I definitely agree she should divorce "Mr. Right."

Comments

[sigma83.livejournal.com]

I'm getting a 'dump the bastard, all men are evil naaargh' vibe from Dear Prudence. Or it could be my general disillusionment of advice columnists in general.

Re: the guy. I think photoshopping your stepdaughter's pictures to appear naked is actually weirder than taking pictures of her naked, although I admit I may be the only one.

'Her wedding day.' Wait, so she's an adult?

Okay, incest taboo aside, this has no legal consequence. She's not underage (and my own views on that particular issue are way too long and convoluted for here) so what if the guy is attracted to her? There are larger issues to consider: Is he cheating on you with his step daughter? Is he likely to cheat on you with YOUR daughter?

People get waaaaaay too uppity about fantasy, in my opinion.

[hani.livejournal.com]

Her other articles have questions from males, too. I think she usually advises them, obliquely or explicitly, to figure out healthy ways for the asker to live with themselves with their decisions.

Well, she could be a minor and he agreed to give permission. *wiggles eyebrows* If she is indeed 18+ now, yes, there is no legal recourse for that explicitly. As fozziewaca's comment after yours claims, we don't know a lot of things, such as when they became stepdaughter and stepfather. The relationship between them could have stemmed from when she was a minor.

I still gotta say I got wigged reading that article.

[fozziewaca.livejournal.com]

The fact that he fixed them to be naked makes it extremely odd. There are other questions to be answered, like: When did the he become her step-dad (how old was she)? Does he do this with other photos of other people? Is the step-daughter aware that he has altered the photos?

The relationship is definitely weird, if the bond she describes is accurate, and my instinct is to run from the man. And drop the phrase "Mr. Right", there is no such being.

[hani.livejournal.com]

Good questions. I hope the question writer got answers, or left...

What about "Mr Right Now"?

[fozziewaca.livejournal.com]

hahah, There is always a "Mr. Right Now" available and he's not too hard to find either :P

[hani.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I think my "Mr. Right Now" is plastic. :P

[paper-schemes.livejournal.com]

Ooh no. I agree with sigma83: photo shopping them is even more strange than taking them (although I don't think it is morally worse than actually taking nude photos).

I really don't think this woman should even have to question what her reaction should be. She needs to leave him ASAP.

[hani.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, interesting you think photoshopping is more strange than actually taking them.

But yeah, it's still an icky thing to me.