The 3 C's of a Relationship
Jul. 24th, 2009 03:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
1. Chemistry
"Does he make your heart pound and your toes curl? When you're alone in bed at night, do you replay all his tender touches, the words he used to make your heart melt? At the end of a date, do you want to have your way with him right there on the doorstep? If, however, you don't feel this way yet, don't worry. Remember, women are like Crock-Pots, they heat up slowly, and men are like microwaves, instantly ready to go. As long as you think he's cute and you have fun with him, he's a contender."
And what about people who are asexual?
2. Compatibility
"How do you "roll" together? Are you comfortable with silence? Do you feel constant pressure to prove yourself to him, or does he make you feel like you're perfect the way you are? Do you "get" each other? How do your energy levels match up? Do you love/hate the same things? Compatibility basically means that your routines mesh, you enjoy doing the same things, and you want the same things at the same time. For example, if you want kids and he doesn't, you are NOT compatible."
I'll have to disagree with some of this. Or I'm being too literal. I'm sure she doesn't mean you and the guy need to have everything be similar likes and dislikes. One, that's impossible. And two, it's nice to learn something new from someone who has some interests you don't have. For example, I have a friend whose husband hates Tori Amos, but is willing to go with her to see Tori in concert. That's love. :-D She does address this later in the article.
3. Communication
"Do you feel you can tell him anything, or do you have to watch what you say around him? How do you each express your emotions, wants, and needs, and are you comfortable talking about them? How do you argue? How do you settle disagreements? It's not an issue of whether or not you have a difference of opinion, what's important is how you resolve those differences. Consideration is the key to communication, because if you feel cherished, you'll reward him with respect, and like Verizon, no one will ever have to ask, "Can you hear me now?""
Haha, nice endorsement for Verizon there. I am curious about what the first serious argument between Matt and I are going to be like. I'm excited, but I'm sure when the time comes the excitement is going to turn to worry and anxiety and hamster-wheel thinking.
To be honest, you're lucky if he meets 51 percent, even a fraction more than half, of your needs in the Three Cs. Diversity in a relationship is good and healthy — it means you can each learn from the other. How boring would it be if your mate were exactly like you? It's our differences that make us interesting, and often attract us to each other. Besides, he's a man. He's wired differently. He's never going to be exactly like you. The Three Cs are simply something to consider during the first ninety days, in between the times you're talking about him and dreaming about him.
From this article which is an excerpt from a book. I've never seen an episode of Bravo TV's "The Millionaire Matchmaker." So I don't know how reliable she is.
But this seems common sense. Or perhaps that's just hindsight and experience talking. I think when I was younger, I didn't give much heed to the communication part about resolving arguments or being able to state your feelings without feeling judged. And some parts of compatibility. I think I assumed if we can talk on the phone for hours about likes and dislikes, that ease will automatically apply to all types of communication we need, including deeper things. Hmmm.
"Does he make your heart pound and your toes curl? When you're alone in bed at night, do you replay all his tender touches, the words he used to make your heart melt? At the end of a date, do you want to have your way with him right there on the doorstep? If, however, you don't feel this way yet, don't worry. Remember, women are like Crock-Pots, they heat up slowly, and men are like microwaves, instantly ready to go. As long as you think he's cute and you have fun with him, he's a contender."
And what about people who are asexual?
2. Compatibility
"How do you "roll" together? Are you comfortable with silence? Do you feel constant pressure to prove yourself to him, or does he make you feel like you're perfect the way you are? Do you "get" each other? How do your energy levels match up? Do you love/hate the same things? Compatibility basically means that your routines mesh, you enjoy doing the same things, and you want the same things at the same time. For example, if you want kids and he doesn't, you are NOT compatible."
I'll have to disagree with some of this. Or I'm being too literal. I'm sure she doesn't mean you and the guy need to have everything be similar likes and dislikes. One, that's impossible. And two, it's nice to learn something new from someone who has some interests you don't have. For example, I have a friend whose husband hates Tori Amos, but is willing to go with her to see Tori in concert. That's love. :-D She does address this later in the article.
3. Communication
"Do you feel you can tell him anything, or do you have to watch what you say around him? How do you each express your emotions, wants, and needs, and are you comfortable talking about them? How do you argue? How do you settle disagreements? It's not an issue of whether or not you have a difference of opinion, what's important is how you resolve those differences. Consideration is the key to communication, because if you feel cherished, you'll reward him with respect, and like Verizon, no one will ever have to ask, "Can you hear me now?""
Haha, nice endorsement for Verizon there. I am curious about what the first serious argument between Matt and I are going to be like. I'm excited, but I'm sure when the time comes the excitement is going to turn to worry and anxiety and hamster-wheel thinking.
To be honest, you're lucky if he meets 51 percent, even a fraction more than half, of your needs in the Three Cs. Diversity in a relationship is good and healthy — it means you can each learn from the other. How boring would it be if your mate were exactly like you? It's our differences that make us interesting, and often attract us to each other. Besides, he's a man. He's wired differently. He's never going to be exactly like you. The Three Cs are simply something to consider during the first ninety days, in between the times you're talking about him and dreaming about him.
From this article which is an excerpt from a book. I've never seen an episode of Bravo TV's "The Millionaire Matchmaker." So I don't know how reliable she is.
But this seems common sense. Or perhaps that's just hindsight and experience talking. I think when I was younger, I didn't give much heed to the communication part about resolving arguments or being able to state your feelings without feeling judged. And some parts of compatibility. I think I assumed if we can talk on the phone for hours about likes and dislikes, that ease will automatically apply to all types of communication we need, including deeper things. Hmmm.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-24 09:44 am (UTC)you definitely need other interests to your partner or else it would get boring rather quick!
no subject
Date: 2009-07-24 04:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-24 02:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-24 04:30 pm (UTC)(I can't really imagine rolling with someone else any other way... I can't do somersaults...)
Gah, my sense of humor is so lame. :P
no subject
Date: 2009-07-25 03:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-25 05:11 am (UTC)