Question!

[hani_backup]

I really hope a lot of people answer this. I'm curious what others would think. (And I apologize for gender bias/stereotyping and simplicity.)

Imagine there is a woman has been severely abused, mentally, emotionally, physically, in a marriage with someone who is a narcissistic alcoholic. A child came from this marriage that she loves with her life, and because of this child, she was willing to escape the marriage despite the fear of the new, unknown and threats. She endures going through the law to have the husband put in jail. Afterwards, on recovery and learning to be strong by herself, she makes a lot of friends and meets a man who is willing to be her partner, and there is mutual love and care between them.

Imagine this woman is suddenly, for some unforeseen reason, sent back in time to before she met her abusive husband. Do you think she should go through the abusive courtship and marriage in order to procreate this future child she loved/loves? In order to meet her new partner in that particular time frame, and her new friends?

I know this is bare-bones and you might ask how deeply she loved her child and her new partner and such, but this is more about self-love/self-worth and results of choices that may have happy ending... Is it worth going through this a second time (even if the first time was in her memory), the self-degradation, the pain, because she knows what it'll result in? Or is it not? Is it worth it, knowing that if it wasn't her, another woman would likely would be abused by him, and she may not have the strength to try to remove him from society through the law? Is it worth it, or is the memories of how to be a stronger and independent woman enough to forsake that life and hope she can build another happier one? Are other people's responsibilities and happiness enough to balance against your own and possibly overcome it? (And you would remember everything from the "first" life, too.)

It's confusing - I don't know how to phrase all the questions I have inside. I know I can do this better in an interactive conversation.

Argh.

Comments

[unico-love.livejournal.com]

This is something I can relate to, because my mother only married my father because she became pregnant with me (almost aborted me) and my father was severely, severely abusive and never had charges pressed on him by my mother. If I had been abused by a spouse instead of my father I would still relive the experience to have the child I loved. I would work on getting "over" the hardship (like I'm doing now because of my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), but the idea of erasing someone's existence sounds horrid to me.

That said, even though if I got pregnant now, totally not in an abusive situation, I would give it up for adoption (preferably an open adoption) because of my disabilities/financial situation. I also always wished my parents had given me up for adoption when my father was acting badly since my mother couldn't stand up to him and leave him.

Sorry if this got tangental.

[sorayume.livejournal.com]

I am not sure, I think instead of thinking back and thinking 'Am I worth it to her for her to go through the pain to have me if she could go back in time.' One should just look at is as, it happened. That child was meant to be. There is no going back in time. So such a situation would never happen. So it is not worth the pain of considering.

As someone whos Mom did not want her after she was born, I just have to tell myself not to think about it and to be happy I am alive.

[lezbianseagull2.livejournal.com]

IMO It would be worth going through again. It would hurt, but in the end, I'd think not marrying the abusive husband would hurt more. If it were me, knowing that I'd have a beautiful child and person that would love me waiting is worth it. Plus, the experiences she gained from that terrible relationship helped shape who she'll become in the future.

Ok those are my two cents. ^_^

[suburbaknght.livejournal.com]

You're asking the wrong question because you're making the wrong assumptions. You're assuming that the only way to get the child and get the guy is to put up with the asshole. We'll leave questions of nature vs. nurture aside and I'll concede (for purposes of this argument only) that the only way to get the child is for the asshole to father it.

So really all she needs is a sperm donation. Yes, tricky how she'll get that.

As for the guy she gets at the end, she doesn't get him because she went through the asshole; she gets him because by leaving the asshole and rebuilding her life she becomes the sort of woman who's attractive to a worthwhile man. Assholes like weak women they can dominate while men worth dating are attracted to strong women, the sort of women who don't put up with that shit. Yes, the asshole was involved in shaping her into that woman, but it was discovering she had the strength to leave and defeat him that lead her to found it. If she has that foreknowledge, she doesn't need to go through the asshole, and if she doesn't then she'll simply find another asshole.

The real question is what sort of person should she be? The answer is the sort of woman who will stand up for herself and the people she loves.

[elitegoldfish.livejournal.com]

I think the answer will be yes. The love a person feels for a child is usually stronger than any other form of love. This is a biological thing. We are more inclined to love those who are blood related to us because of the genes that we share.

I think this person would do this, even if it was horrible because of her love for her child.

However, someone should point out to her that the chances of this child being the same are near impossible.