hani_backup (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hani_backup) wrote2011-05-26 02:19 pm
hani_backup) wrote2011-05-26 02:19 pm
Entry tags:
"Women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized."
*could be triggering*
This was a comment Constable Michael Sanguinetti made during a York University safety forum at Osgoode in Canada way back in January. He has since apologized for the comment. But what he said... It's stupid and insluting and, obviously, victim-blaming.
The comment triggered Toronto's SlutWalk to emerge. While sparked off by one police officer's insensitivie, moronic, stupid, insulting comment, victim-blaming has a much, much longer history.
It's frustrating. It's annoying. It's not a march where women (or men) are all suppose to dress provocatively in low-cut tops and hot pants. Protestors can dress in whatever manner of dress they wish. It's a protest against societal victim-blaming for sexual assault and rape. It's a protest against people thinking how a person dresses makes them "okay" to assault and rape, that they're "asking" for it.
I found out about this while still in school and it's been simmering. This struck a nerve because, like I've mentioned before, I watched The Accused when I was 6 to 8 years old and the attackers in Jodie Foster's character's public gang-rape was not taken to court until she had to personally pursue it with a female lawyer. Because of how she was dressed and acted beforehand. A gray tank, a short skirt, dancing with strangers, was drinking...
I just hate it. I realize that there are some smarter and less smart decisions people can make to decrease the odds of being assaulted, mugged, raped - walking alone in a dark alley instead of lighted streets that may be available, not being aware of your surroundings - but ultimately it is not the victims' decision that makes assault or rape happen.
GOD DAMN IT, IT IS THE MOLESTERS, THE ASSAULTERS, THE RAPISTS WHO DECIDE TO MOLEST, ASSAULT AND RAPE OTHERS. The people are attacked and violated do not ask for it.
(I say "some" because I think most assaulted children believe their victimizers when they're told they have choice, it's the way things are, etc. They sometimes aren't in a position to be able to avoid such circumstances and situations.)
My concern and feelings about this has heightened since going to college. I suppose that makes sense, because my four high schools never really put up posters about assault or rape. Also, in college I had much more opportunity to go to parties. In high school my parents never let me go to any parties that weren't school-sanctioned or held at parents' residences. At college I had the option to go to college parties, even if I didn't go to many. The few times I went alone or with another girl and not my boyfriend (at the time) I always got hit on by other guys or they got handsy. *makes a disgusted face*
It in my final year that I realized the posters around campus were all about how to AVOID BEING A RAPE VICTIM. It was fulll of tips like "Don't leave your cup or drink alone" or "Don't accept a drink that wasn't opened by you" or "Have others with you to make sure nothing happens." There was NOTHING about how to avoid being A RAPIST OR A MOLESTER OR ASSAULTER. Okay, maybe the phrase "Don't rape" won't work well because it seems a lot of rapists don't think what they did was wrong, or it happened in alcohol-induced situations where there are conflicting feelings and stories about what was consensual and what wasn't and things get forgotten. But there has to be something...just something, posters or forums or something about RESPECTING OTHER PEOPLE AS HUMANS WHO HAVE THE RIGHT TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS ABOUT THEIR BODIES AND WHAT THEY WANT TO DO WITH IT.
I know several friends have been assaulted/raped on-campus, and I've heard of some of the things their assaulters/rapists have said about them/the situation. Before college, too, I didn't realize how much alcohol can affect the kind of interactions people have with each other. I remember one night where alcohol made things fearful for me.
I'm frustrated with some views I grew up with that made victim-blaming or victim-asking seem explicit or implicit. Don't wear shorts, don't wear sleeveless tops, don't wear shape-showing clothes, don't smile to males strangers, don't be friendly with male strangers, don't wear non full-length skirts, etc, you'll just make yourself seem more available to men and men can't control themselves. That's why we women have to protect ourselves and them from their horn dog tendencies by giving them less temptation. Yadda yadda yoo.
I find that so insulting. To males, females, non-female victims, other genders, everybody.
I'm still angry at myself for not being able to volunteer at SARP (Sexual Assault Recovery Program) back in my college town because I didn't have a license or car so I could drive to the hospital/any place I was needed to help someone advocate for themselves.
Slutwalk has spread around the world. Chicago is having theirs June 4th and I fully intend to go. Again, they don't say you have to dress like a "skank" or a "ho" or a "slut" in order to attend. I doubt I'd wear something much revealing, though I know some people think a tank top paired with jeans or shorts is revealing already. Since it's a lot of walking, sneakers! And maybe my hoodie if the weather will still be chilly then. I wrote a note about it on Facebook and tagged some people when in the library earlier this week. A lot of people can't/won't come because they're too far away from Chicago, busy, or not very interested, but I hope others will participated in the Slutwalks in their area, if there are any. I wish I could go to several others with some friends of mine around this country or world, such as Slutwalk Portland or Slutwalk Spokane. Over the past few weeks, talking about this on the phone with Matt, I've gotten so frustrated and verge of tears or teared up. I know there are other areas of society that some humans don't see other humans as humans - racism, homophobia, sexism, sexual trafficking, emotional manipulation and abuse, a whole lot of places. This is one place I feel passionate about.
This was a comment Constable Michael Sanguinetti made during a York University safety forum at Osgoode in Canada way back in January. He has since apologized for the comment. But what he said... It's stupid and insluting and, obviously, victim-blaming.
The comment triggered Toronto's SlutWalk to emerge. While sparked off by one police officer's insensitivie, moronic, stupid, insulting comment, victim-blaming has a much, much longer history.
It's frustrating. It's annoying. It's not a march where women (or men) are all suppose to dress provocatively in low-cut tops and hot pants. Protestors can dress in whatever manner of dress they wish. It's a protest against societal victim-blaming for sexual assault and rape. It's a protest against people thinking how a person dresses makes them "okay" to assault and rape, that they're "asking" for it.
I found out about this while still in school and it's been simmering. This struck a nerve because, like I've mentioned before, I watched The Accused when I was 6 to 8 years old and the attackers in Jodie Foster's character's public gang-rape was not taken to court until she had to personally pursue it with a female lawyer. Because of how she was dressed and acted beforehand. A gray tank, a short skirt, dancing with strangers, was drinking...
I just hate it. I realize that there are some smarter and less smart decisions people can make to decrease the odds of being assaulted, mugged, raped - walking alone in a dark alley instead of lighted streets that may be available, not being aware of your surroundings - but ultimately it is not the victims' decision that makes assault or rape happen.
GOD DAMN IT, IT IS THE MOLESTERS, THE ASSAULTERS, THE RAPISTS WHO DECIDE TO MOLEST, ASSAULT AND RAPE OTHERS. The people are attacked and violated do not ask for it.
(I say "some" because I think most assaulted children believe their victimizers when they're told they have choice, it's the way things are, etc. They sometimes aren't in a position to be able to avoid such circumstances and situations.)
My concern and feelings about this has heightened since going to college. I suppose that makes sense, because my four high schools never really put up posters about assault or rape. Also, in college I had much more opportunity to go to parties. In high school my parents never let me go to any parties that weren't school-sanctioned or held at parents' residences. At college I had the option to go to college parties, even if I didn't go to many. The few times I went alone or with another girl and not my boyfriend (at the time) I always got hit on by other guys or they got handsy. *makes a disgusted face*
It in my final year that I realized the posters around campus were all about how to AVOID BEING A RAPE VICTIM. It was fulll of tips like "Don't leave your cup or drink alone" or "Don't accept a drink that wasn't opened by you" or "Have others with you to make sure nothing happens." There was NOTHING about how to avoid being A RAPIST OR A MOLESTER OR ASSAULTER. Okay, maybe the phrase "Don't rape" won't work well because it seems a lot of rapists don't think what they did was wrong, or it happened in alcohol-induced situations where there are conflicting feelings and stories about what was consensual and what wasn't and things get forgotten. But there has to be something...just something, posters or forums or something about RESPECTING OTHER PEOPLE AS HUMANS WHO HAVE THE RIGHT TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS ABOUT THEIR BODIES AND WHAT THEY WANT TO DO WITH IT.
I know several friends have been assaulted/raped on-campus, and I've heard of some of the things their assaulters/rapists have said about them/the situation. Before college, too, I didn't realize how much alcohol can affect the kind of interactions people have with each other. I remember one night where alcohol made things fearful for me.
I'm frustrated with some views I grew up with that made victim-blaming or victim-asking seem explicit or implicit. Don't wear shorts, don't wear sleeveless tops, don't wear shape-showing clothes, don't smile to males strangers, don't be friendly with male strangers, don't wear non full-length skirts, etc, you'll just make yourself seem more available to men and men can't control themselves. That's why we women have to protect ourselves and them from their horn dog tendencies by giving them less temptation. Yadda yadda yoo.
I find that so insulting. To males, females, non-female victims, other genders, everybody.
I'm still angry at myself for not being able to volunteer at SARP (Sexual Assault Recovery Program) back in my college town because I didn't have a license or car so I could drive to the hospital/any place I was needed to help someone advocate for themselves.
Slutwalk has spread around the world. Chicago is having theirs June 4th and I fully intend to go. Again, they don't say you have to dress like a "skank" or a "ho" or a "slut" in order to attend. I doubt I'd wear something much revealing, though I know some people think a tank top paired with jeans or shorts is revealing already. Since it's a lot of walking, sneakers! And maybe my hoodie if the weather will still be chilly then. I wrote a note about it on Facebook and tagged some people when in the library earlier this week. A lot of people can't/won't come because they're too far away from Chicago, busy, or not very interested, but I hope others will participated in the Slutwalks in their area, if there are any. I wish I could go to several others with some friends of mine around this country or world, such as Slutwalk Portland or Slutwalk Spokane. Over the past few weeks, talking about this on the phone with Matt, I've gotten so frustrated and verge of tears or teared up. I know there are other areas of society that some humans don't see other humans as humans - racism, homophobia, sexism, sexual trafficking, emotional manipulation and abuse, a whole lot of places. This is one place I feel passionate about.
no subject
I can respect your struggle, but it's uphill all the way.
no subject
Yes, I agree a lot of students wouldn't advocate a dry college. That seems self-selecting. Even if there are dry floors (substance-free at my college) or clubs that come up with dry events. *sigh*
I just hope improvement and knowledge can slowly permeate society...
no subject
I read a great analogy recently, comparing rape with drunk driving. Not so long ago, the advice given was "Don't drive on New Year's, there's a lot of drunk drivers out there". But then people began giving out the message "Don't drive drunk", "Choose a designated driver", "Friends don't let friends drive drunk", and so forth.
We need to do the same for rape. Don't rape. If the other person's facilities are impaired by alcohol or drugs, don't take advantage of that. Don't take the risk that it's the alcohol speaking. If you really want to have sex with them, wait until the next day when they're sober, then ask if they still want to have sex.
We need to turn the shame on the rapists rather than the victims. Instead of calling a rape victim a "slut", call the rapist a creep, call them a pathetic person who can't find a consenting partner.
Make being a rapist something to be ashamed of, rather than being a rape victim.
no subject
Yeah, I agree we need to shame the rapist. Though I think for some of them it's not so much of wanting to find a consenting partner and never being able to, for some of them it's the pain and power they look for. But I suppose serial rapists might have a slightly different pathology from date-rapists. I don't know... Haven't read much primary research about rapists.