hani_backup: (Nala Simba drinking)

I don't understand where the poster is coming from. Like did the person who made her mad say he/she has Asperger's but the poster doesn't believe him/her and thinks that person is just making an excuse? That said, after the Readercon debacle, it's a change from thinking when someone does something socially unacceptable to jump on the "maybe he/she has Asperger's" thinking.

I've never been a sister wife, or a wife, obviously, but I've grown up among friends and relatives whose father had multiple wives. I've never seen it as a happy thing. That said, all of the husbands were deceitful and having an affair on the first wife before dropping the bomb and either revealing to the first wife that they want to marry this other woman and have her be his second wife or that they already married and hey, here's my second wife, first wife! So I view this postcard with a great sense of sadness... For some reason I'm completely okay with polygamous/open marriages or relationships. I suppose because from what I've seen and heard, those are usually agreed upon by both/all parties and open from the get-go or have to be for everybody's safety whereas the religious polygamy I've heard of growing up just seems full of lies and manipulations.

Other PostSecrets )

Matt doesn't care. :-)

All taken from today's PostSecrets.
hani_backup: (Mulan-Who is that girl I see?)

A few friends shared it and one friend commented on one of her friends' sharing of it.

Friend 1 shared it and said:

One of our friends replied:
"I think none of the ones in the top row are going to survive the next winter." (2 thumbs up)

Friend 2 shared it and said:
Personally, I think all body types are beautiful but when someone's bones are sticking out is when I grow concerned. (4 thumbs)

One of their friends replied:
Great pic- thanks for sharing!

Friend 3 replied to one of her friends sharing it with:
"When did someone else's body shape become our business?" (1 thumbs up)

For one thing, shouldn't that question end with a question mark?

I applaud the image is trying to promote, if I see it right, that current thin celebrities aren't sexy as past curvier women and carries, implicitly, the assumption that the majority of the world finds said thin figures as sexy and becoming. But I think for it to become more analogous, either both rows should have the women in bikinis or one-piece swimsuits. Social commentary, too, I suppose.

I've had a friend get looked at weirdly or ask if she was part of a conservative religion because she wore a one piece swimsuit to a beach in Italy, instead ofa two-piece. I mean, come on.

I found the comment "I think none of the ones in the top row are going to survive the next winter" kind of insulting. I don't know why precisely, though...

However, when I see images or status that claim that "Real women have curves" or something similar to that, it definitely irks me. There are women who do not have big chests or narrow waists or pronounceable hips. There are shopping and clothing brands out there trying to sell clothing they believe gives the illusions of a bust or hips or a narrow waist. I just find it irritating, now and then, when people make generalizations and say this body type sucks and is horrible and this is how women should look like. I have friends who say collarbones are frightening to see - well, my collarbones always show on me. Or sometimes my ribs do, and it's awkward at some points. When I see myself in the mirror in a changing room and a bra, I sometimes think the rib showing looks like I have a bra that's too small and the bottom of my breasts got squished and are showing. (On an aside, I find it kind of off-putting when I see pictures of females where the bikini tops do show the bottom of their breasts. Very awkward.) Invalidating people based on how they look is so invalidating.

I can find multiple body types aesthetically pleasing. I can find multiple body types physically pleasing and sexually attractive. People find whatever they find sexy. Finding what you think fits you the best is what matters.

I found Friend 3's comment interesting. I don't think, if people think the image is also implicitly blaming media for a high prevalence rate of eating disorders, that she'll say that eating disorders aren't concerning, but that that might be a generalization and people should concern themselves with themselves. That if you are concerned about someone based on that someone's body type, it's better to be concerned about that rather than the world is general? I don't know... I suppose she is fed up with paparazzi and all the comments about a female being pregnant just because omg, her stomach isn't completely flat. Or comments about cellulite and of the ilk. Give it up, people!

This is very incoherent. Sorry...
hani_backup: (Tori - blue)
When the tickets were released in July I bought two for Matt and myself though I didn't even know if I was still going to be in Chicago for her December 10th concert. I planned on gifting them to someone else if that happened, or putting them up for sale.

Two weeks ago I emailed the other research assistant for my study to ask if we could switch weekend days for the past weekend. I usually work Saturdays and sessions end at 1pm. Tori usually has a Meet & Greet from 2pm to 5pm prior to her concerts. I wanted to sleep in and have time to get ready to wait outside. The other R.A. said okay, but then let me know she couldn't because her schedule changed. I think because of finals.

So I go to the lab Saturday morning and upon looking up Undented's Twitter found out that there wouldn't be a M&G. :-( But I went straight to downtown Chicago nonetheless by myself. Before the concert )

We had a quick dinner at the Halsted St. Diner then went to Macy's. Bridgett and Michael met us there and we got a little lost trying to find men's leather gloves. 3rd floor - not in outerwear, redirected to the 2nd floor and got told it was on the first floor. I got Matt a Christmas gift of some rather nice leather gloves. He has a pair for his sweaty outdoor work like shoveling snow so these will be his driving gloves. I think he could have needed them that day in the morning when he drove me to the lab! After we spent some time in the Chicago Theatre lobby, we went to our separate seats.

I got a text from my former international advisor from Beloit College. This int'l advisor is a big fan of Tori Amos as well, and drove us to my first Tori Amos concert in 2007, in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Tori's US tour this year was rather brief; she held no concerts in Milwaukee or Detroit like in the past. We hung out briefly while Matt and I kept her company in the souvenir line. I gave her money to buy a T-shirt for me. She wanted the scarf. We went back to our seats for the opening act, the Norweigan artist Thomas Dybdahl. He was okay but I didn't like him as much as Tori Amos's previous two opening acts.

I bought my boyfriend and I seats in a Mezzanine box. It was pretty spiffy. Lots of leg space, which is nice for his 6’5” frame. There are 6 or so people per box. Before the opening act a server (?) came in and asked if we wanted drinks. I didn’t know they did that. I already had my cranberry vodka elsewise I would’ve asked for something, ‘spensive as the drinks are. Matt and I were in box D, seats 1 and 2 so we were against the railing which was rather sweet. Something I hate about being on the floor is that near the end of concerts most people stand up and being the shortie I am, I cannot see over people's ends and that ruins my pleasure of the music. Also, in the boxes, there were a few annoying neighbors but definitely nothing as annoying as past Chicago Theatre times.

The Fab Four, the quartet, were pretty awesome. Tori Amos opened with Shattering Sea. Her setlist from Undented:

Set list )

On the Undented link there's also some videos of her performance from Chicago. I liked Suede and China from the first half but the second half I found more dynamic and familiar. I was teared up from her cover of The Cure's "Love Song." Ever since I heard a recording of her performing it several years ago in Dallas I've been in love with it. Cruel was also fantastic. And Siren. I thought some songs would be lacking without drums or something, but the cello did fantastically as the backbone. Her own performance lasted two hours which was great since her previous performance lasted 1.5 hours. I love that she ended with Big Wheel. She ended that way two years ago, too. :)

Matt rushed us out of the theatre because he thought getting out of the parking lot would be horrible. The lobby was very crowded. We had to wait for the 2nd time the elevator came down. But parking lot itself was actually quite empty. He felt a bit bad about rushing us all for nothing and that he remembered that I had wanted to spend some time hanging out at a bar afterwards and just hanging out. Oh, well.

Sunday I slept most of the day away. That was kind of nice. :D Sunday night I got a little obsessive and made 3 playlists on my iTunes, one for Milwaukee 2007's setlist, Chicago 2009's setlist and Saturday night's setlist. :D
hani_backup: (Default)
but I don't believe "bitch" is an appropriate way to address someone, especially repetitively on a public transportation. Across a bus. Very loudly.

I'm not familiar with trash-talking. I don't understand the point of it. How can people think being called "broke ass" and "fat bitch" and "ugly nigger" terms of endearment?

The high school kids were very annoying on the bus. I was glad when they left the bus, especially the male student. It was not a good way to end double volunteering/interning.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

hani_backup: (Solitutde)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Dear you,

It's been more than a decade since we last saw each other in person. Or even spoken online. We're Facebook acquaintances but I rarely comment on your profile/pictures and you rarely on mine. If ever we have.

Wow, that makes Facebook friendship feature even creepier. Yet useful. But I'd prefer if I could see it for myself and friends instead of third-parties seeing connections, too.

Just checked. No comments, wall posts. Just 3 likes in common. And we've been friends since June 2007. Not even the random, out-of-the-blue birthday posts. Your birthday was last week. I haven't wished anybody on Facebook happy birthday in the past few weeks, but we've never wished each other happy birthday.

Regarding the past, I wasn't nice to you that day. I snapped and didn't keep control of what I said or how I said it. Remembering how you looked and the formal civility between us in the ensuing two years...

I'm sorry I wasn't appreciative of your situation at that time, nor sensitive. I should've been sensitive and developed some empathy by that time in our lives. We were in elementary school and children can be cruel, but children can also be very open-hearted and generous and I wasn't with you, then. I also should have been sensitive because that's part of who we are. Because of how I reacted, I am more sensitive about being in your position and my position in the past years.

I don't know if you think about it. I don't know if it made a big impact on your psyche. I don't know if you even remember it. I was wrong and rude.

I'm sorry.
hani_backup: (Books first)
[Error: unknown template qotd]In not particular order of importance or priority but just done chronologically for simplicity's sake,

1) The Giver by Lois Lowry. I had moved in the middle of 4th grade to another school, another country and my home room teacher read to us every week. Two other books she read was Hatchet by Gary Paulsen which I didn't particularly enjoy and So Far From the Bamboo Grove by Yoko Kawashima Watkins  which I also adored. The Giver stuck in my mind because it was the first dystopian book I knew of and the writing was so simple but it raised all these questions about ways of living, conformity, pain, love, humanity, whether or not breaking the rules for the "greater good" (or so) was worth it, interacting with other people, independence. Every time a teacher hands out a survey asking for our favorite book, I write down The Giver, even in college. I do think almost everybody would find something in there that resonates with them, even if they are totally for conformity or live in a strict culture/community. I wasn't a big fan of the two sequels, but they did complete the story.

2) The first six books of Piers Anthony's eight-book Incarnations of Immortality series. In this series there are various offices of life and normal people are invited to take the office. On a Pale Horse is about Death, Bearing an Hourglass Time, With a Tangled Skein the three Aspects of Fate, Wielding a Red Sword about War, Being a Green Mother about Mother Nature, and For the Love of Evil about the office of Satan (book 7 about the office of God). The stories are intertwined, all the main characters affect or touch upon the world and work of the other Aspects by love or family. It's not confusing, though, if read in a series. It's set in a world where magic and science co-exist.

The reason I loved the first five books was because it really opened my mind to possible society and interactions between people. But grown-up interactions, which The Giver doesn't cover. While at the time - I was 13-15 years old - I wasn't experienced with relationships and physical intimacy, it gave me something to think. Also, thinking of Death, Nature, Fate, Time, War and Satan as mutable offices was fascinating, since I was raised in an organized religion household. I suppose my parents wouldn't be happy knowing that, yes, books were a factor in my growing doubts about the religion they raised me.

3) Mmmmm... I would have to say the series The Mage Storms by Mercedes Lackey. They definitely weren't the first books by Lackey I read but they reinforced the idea that competing, conflicting and multiple religions can co-exist on one world/one plane of reality without too much bloodshed. Also that old feuding nations can work together. Storm Warning, Storm Rising and Storm Breaking center on very powerful magical storms disrupting and changing magic and the physical world, as a consequence of magical devices used centuries ago. Ambassadors and envoys from different nations and rivals with different religious beliefs come together to face the storms and try to find a way to divert them or protect settlements. There's also the factor of an army in Hardorn, the neighboring country to Valdemar (with their Companions) and possibly threatening Valdemar. Also, old enemies rear their heads up.

I'm not very good at describing the plot.... At that time I believed in tolerance for religion but it was hard to feel it because of my family so it was nice to see it played out in series and in a way that made freaking sense. I still don't believe in a religion but I hope there aren't multiple supernatural beings who truly believe we should kill others for their beliefs and non-belief in them...
hani_backup: (Default)
The last time I did this meme was a few years ago but still a Friday in September. As close to anniversaries as possible! Rewind and I hope some answers have changed. FYI/warning: this meme asks about memories, relationships (past and current), friends, daily life, interests among other stuff.

Meme, take two! )

I don't have interest in finishing this Ergo Proxy 1 Disc from Netflix. I really, really should. A llot of my downloadable library items will expire tomorrow and there's no way I can finish listening to (several) of them in time.


Well, duh

Jul. 31st, 2011 07:40 pm
hani_backup: ("hushedwee")
there is such a thing as an "Christian extremist" or a "Christian terrorist" if you want to use his religious beliefs as the one defining mark. Extremists or terrorists are possible in almost every single demographic possible! (I'm excluding infants.)


"Christian terrorist? Norway case strikes debate"
hani_backup: (Xena -- Gabby writing)
So survey time

Asks birthdays, relationships, friends, drinking, memories, stuff like that.

Cause it's loong )

A- Age of your first kiss: 14 and a half
B- Band you are listening to right now: Watching Psych on Netflix, not listening to music...
C- Crush: My current boyfriend! :P But I don't have a crush on him now; I'm in love with him.
D- Drink you had last: Chilled water!
E- Easiest person to talk to: Matt or Beth or Hana F, on the phone
F- Favorite ice cream: Oooh, cookies 'n' cream or Safeway Select Brownie with Moose Tracks (new favorite)
G- Gummy worms or gummy bears?: Bears for sure!
H- Height: 5'1"
I- Instruments: In 5th, 6th and 8th-10th grades I played the euphonium
J- Junk food: All of them. :P Fruit Roll Up, Fruit Gushers, Cookies 'n' Cream Chewy bars, Cheese Doritoes
K- Kids: I don't know if I wanna have kids....
L- Longest car/bus ride: Car ride - summer 2007, from Budapest to Bucharest
M- Mom's name: Yeah, not going to say...
N- Nicknames: Izzy, Chipmunk, Midget
O- One wish: To find a job so I can stay in the US
P- Phobia: Roaches, creepy crawly things
Q- Quote: "Not everything is wrong. Even a broken clock is right two times a day."
R- Reasons to smile: Hanging out with friends, heat, music, being outside in good weather
S- Shoe size: 5, 5 1/2
T- Time you woke up today: I haven't slept yet but I got out of bed around 11am Monday morning
U- Unknown fact about me: I used to cut my Barbie's hair thinking it'd regrow
V- Vegetables: My favorites are carrots and spinach. I hate brussel sprouts.
W- Worst Habit: Procrastination.
X- X-rays you've had: Both ankles, chest (for TB)
Y - Years since you've been to church/synogogue: My family is Muslim. But I did visit a church for a class assignment in 2007...
Z- Zodiac sign: Gemini!!!!
hani_backup: (Mulan-Who is that girl I see?)

I do sometimes wonder about that...how children react knowing/finding out one of their parents had plastic surgery (for non-necessary medical reasons). From the sound of the postsecret it doesn't sound like the plastic surgery was for medical reasons (skin grafts for a burn, cleft lip, breast reduction for back pain, etc.) so I'm going to assuming it's more for cosmetic reasons. I think I'd find it hypocritical, considering my parents' beliefs and how they forbade me to wear nail polish or use henna outside of wedding things and bleaching and dyeing your hairw as definitely not allowed and seen as being ungrateful for how God made you... But if it weren't for those beliefs, I imagine I might be more self-conscious about my body and possibly harangue for plastic surgery for myself. >_<

If I was a parent and my kid wanted plastic surgery... )

Going back to the original PostSecret, yes, I think I'd feel more self-conscious about my body if I suddenly found out a parent had plastic surgery done (assuming they weren't being hypocrites) and wonder if that parent judges me on my appearance. (The comments my parents usually make about my appearance is my hair is too wet to go outside in public, brush my hair, or I should eat more cause I'm too thin.) I think my mom and dad look fine the way they are. I rarely think about their appearance, unless they ask me too or someone asks me what they look like. I generally think people look okay the way they do and if I found out something I thought was nice about them or just naturally part of them was fake... Yeah, weird. And I'd get suspicious of my judgement from then on, about what is natural and what isn't...
hani_backup: (Silhouette and shadows)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

"Fairest one of all" seems like it's linked to Snow White's crazy queen stepmother. So I'm assuming they're asking about physical stuff? 

I wouldn't change my smile. I wish my teeth were straighter and whiter, but I wouldn't change the overall smile. When it's sincere, it's blatantly sincere and it does the crinkling-eyes thing. Duchenne smile, for the win!

As for my personality and/or traits, I guess... My loyalty, if it's given freely. Or, sometimes, being able to see both sides of an argument if I'm not involved. Sometimes that sucks, cause I can unwittingly be the devil's advocate for a friend informing me about a fight when they want support. But other times it's a good thing. Someone once thanked me for bringing them down to Earth after they got really riled up about something, or anxious about something. With my own fights, after I cool down, I can see the other person's perspective usually. Makes for interesting phone calls, sometimes.


Jun. 13th, 2011 10:46 pm
hani_backup: (Seriously?)
Thomas: I am curious? Did you participate in slutwalk? You don't seem like a slut. :)
  I was readying your facebook update
  it loked like you've been having a good time with people.
 me: I don't seem like a slut? How do you define a slut?
  I wrote a note about Slutwalk Chicago
21:29 Maybe you should read it, first?
 Thomas: I only saw that you had met up with someone after
  I guess I will have to go read it.
  Give me a sec.

9 minutes
21:39 Thomas: Ah, now I understand
  I agree. sexual assault is never anyone's fault except the assaulters
21:40 me: Da.
21:41 Thomas: it seems weird that anyone would think differently
 me: It does.
21:42 Thomas: do you think people wear unnecessarily tempting clothing though?

Thanks... Nice to know I "don't seem like a slut."

me: How is it unnecessarily tempting?
21:43 Thomas: well, when one reveals the most sexual part of themselves they will autmatically set off a biological response in a man.
  Obviously the man has to choose what to do about it.
  but why would the woman want to pester the man with that to begin with.
21:45 me: "why would the woman want to pester the man with that to begin with"? It's perfectly possible that was never her intention .And I don't understand what you mean by "reveals the most sexual part of themselves" What is this "most sexual part of themselves"?
21:46 Thomas: well... either the breasts or the vaginal area
  that sort of stuff
21:47 me: Bikinis?
  What about men's bare chests?

Thomas: I don't think that's cool either

If you want to read the rest of it here, cool. He does question this rationally. I don't know if he got heated up on his own end, and that he had better control over how he phrased words and and stuff than me.

I was upset from the first comment of his of me not seeming like a slut, and then, and then, him asking abut females wearing "unnecessarily tempting" clothes. I know, I know he agrees and states several times that it is the man's fault for assaulting the female and not hte victim's fault -- it seems we're generalizing about males assaulting females, at least until the end -- but that whole "temptation" thing just...reeks, still, implicitly of blaming the female. And it reminds me of how I was raised. How I had to watch what I wore in case I tempted men, in case I made them think thoughts.

I'd agree there are times where people can be blamed for the type of thoughts they cause others to think -- primarily emotional abuse comes to mind -- and a few times my answers were simplistic but still, just...to think that, say that, ask that...

Rest of the chat )

And yeah, probably there are statistically more male rapists/sxual assauterls than female ones, but I got confused near the end if we were talking adult-adult or also cindluing children. I know i didn't end hte chat on arational note but...gah. I know it's likely others will read the chat and think I'm really overreacting and that he brings up good points or that he didn't raise his opniionions like an asshole douche and my feelings are blinding me to that. To be fair, he is a little on the conservative side, which is no surpsrised this reminded me of my aprents and how I was raised.

But I sitll feel even if a man's thoughts suddenly veer towards sexually thinking about a woman and that was her intent (because a lot of the times a woman wearing a sundress with a little cleavage doesn't want men to think of her that way or it doesn't even enter her mind but she just want st o dress lightly in the weather), why should that matter?


Jun. 7th, 2011 02:05 am
hani_backup: ("hushedwee")
When it shits, it becomes diarrhea.

There were some good moments this past weekend and Monday, but so much of it was just horrible and nauseating and cry-scream-worthy.
hani_backup: (Excuse me?)
*could be triggering*

This was a comment Constable Michael Sanguinetti made during a York University safety forum at Osgoode in Canada way back in January. He has since apologized for the comment. But what he said... It's stupid and insluting and, obviously, victim-blaming.

The comment triggered Toronto's SlutWalk to emerge. While sparked off by one police officer's insensitivie, moronic, stupid, insulting comment, victim-blaming has a much, much longer history.

It's frustrating. It's annoying. It's not a march where women (or men) are all suppose to dress provocatively in low-cut tops and hot pants. Protestors can dress in whatever manner of dress they wish. It's a protest against societal victim-blaming for sexual assault and rape. It's a protest against people thinking how a person dresses makes them "okay" to assault and rape, that they're "asking" for it.

I found out about this while still in school and it's been simmering. This struck a nerve because, like I've mentioned before, I watched The Accused when I was 6 to 8 years old and the attackers in Jodie Foster's character's public gang-rape was not taken to court until she had to personally pursue it with a female lawyer. Because of how she was dressed and acted beforehand. A gray tank, a short skirt, dancing with strangers, was drinking...

I just hate it. I realize that there are some smarter and less smart decisions people can make to decrease the odds of being assaulted, mugged, raped - walking alone in a dark alley instead of lighted streets that may be available, not being aware of your surroundings - but ultimately it is not the victims' decision that makes assault or rape happen.


(I say "some" because I think most assaulted children believe their victimizers when they're told they have choice, it's the way things are, etc. They sometimes aren't in a position to be able to avoid such circumstances and situations.)

My concern and feelings about this has heightened since going to college. I suppose that makes sense, because my four high schools never really put up posters about assault or rape. Also, in college I had much more opportunity to go to parties. In high school my parents never let me go to any parties that weren't school-sanctioned or held at parents' residences. At college I had the option to go to college parties, even if I didn't go to many. The few times I went alone or with another girl and not my boyfriend (at the time) I always got hit on by other guys or they got handsy. *makes a disgusted face*

It in my final year that I realized the posters around campus were all about how to AVOID BEING A RAPE VICTIM. It was fulll of tips like "Don't leave your cup or drink alone" or "Don't accept a drink that wasn't opened by you" or "Have others with you to make sure nothing happens." There was NOTHING about how to avoid being A RAPIST OR A MOLESTER OR ASSAULTER. Okay, maybe the phrase "Don't rape" won't work well because it seems a lot of rapists don't think what they did was wrong, or it happened in alcohol-induced situations where there are conflicting feelings and stories about what was consensual and what wasn't and things get forgotten. But there has to be something...just something, posters or forums or something about RESPECTING OTHER PEOPLE AS HUMANS WHO HAVE THE RIGHT TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS ABOUT THEIR BODIES AND WHAT THEY WANT TO DO WITH IT.

I know several friends have been assaulted/raped on-campus, and I've heard of some of the things their assaulters/rapists have said about them/the situation. Before college, too, I didn't realize how much alcohol can affect the kind of interactions people have with each other. I remember one night where alcohol made things fearful for me.

I'm frustrated with some views I grew up with that made victim-blaming or victim-asking seem explicit or implicit. Don't wear shorts, don't wear sleeveless tops, don't wear shape-showing clothes, don't smile to males strangers, don't be friendly with male strangers, don't wear non full-length skirts, etc, you'll just make yourself seem more available to men and men can't control themselves. That's why we women have to protect ourselves and them from their horn dog tendencies by giving them less temptation. Yadda yadda yoo.

I find that so insulting. To males, females, non-female victims, other genders, everybody.

I'm still angry at myself for not being able to volunteer at SARP (Sexual Assault Recovery Program) back in my college town because I didn't have a license or car so I could drive to the hospital/any place I was needed to help someone advocate for themselves.

Slutwalk has spread around the world. Chicago is having theirs June 4th and I fully intend to go. Again, they don't say you have to dress like a "skank" or a "ho" or a "slut" in order to attend. I doubt I'd wear something much revealing, though I know some people think a tank top paired with jeans or shorts is revealing already. Since it's a lot of walking, sneakers! And maybe my hoodie if the weather will still be chilly then. I wrote a note about it on Facebook and tagged some people when in the library earlier this week. A lot of people can't/won't come because they're too far away from Chicago, busy, or not very interested, but I hope others will participated in the Slutwalks in their area, if there are any. I wish I could go to several others with some friends of mine around this country or world, such as Slutwalk Portland or Slutwalk Spokane. Over the past few weeks, talking about this on the phone with Matt, I've gotten so frustrated and verge of tears or teared up. I know there are other areas of society that some humans don't see other humans as humans - racism, homophobia, sexism, sexual trafficking, emotional manipulation and abuse, a whole lot of places. This is one place I feel passionate about.
hani_backup: (hmmmm)
On Facebook a friend wrote (with grammatical mistakes included):

"The reason why parents do not allow their son to play dolls because they want to teach them that girls aren’t toys to play with."

I will admit that I have never heard this rationale/justification for not letting boys play with dolls. All of the ones I've heard have been related to gender-normative issues - "Girls play with dolls, boys play with G.I. Joe and aircrafts."

I don't think most boys will equate playing with dolls = playing with girls. I don't even know what kind of "play" this friend (a male) is talking about either. Emotionally? Physically?

I think it's kind of ridiculous to think that not playing with dolls will somehow let boys think girls aren't to be played with. I think actually teaching them to respect girls is better because it's active. I don't understand the kind of analogy people think works here. It's not like kids who play with stuffed cats and animals as a child will automatically play the same way with real life cats and animals.

Why would 4 people like this status and another say "waaahhh agreed!"? It seems, to me, a piss poor excuse for covering up cisgender-socially normative child raising behavior.
hani_backup: (Sandface anger)
Something I read today (not directed to me but online) I appreciated:

"Or rather, learn to live with the shitty fact that shitty people get away with shitty things every shitty day."

There are people who I'd like to eviscerate, or groups of people (child molesters, people who instigate incestuous rape, rapists for three) but I know I can't touch them.

Criminal Minds was on earlier today. I like criminal/police drama shows that are realistic or confident in themselves that the story writers actually have the villain/suspect/person responsible not be found or if they are known, there still isn't enough evidence to bring them in or they squirm through. Because that happens in real life. And more frequently, people who do illegal things don't get noticed by the police and people who do immorally bad things that aren't illegal get away scot free.

Sometimes I say things like "I hope Karma gets them" but other times I'm not sure if I even believe in Karma. I don't know what tradition it came from, the more technical issues regarding it, its history and evolution if there is one... I'd like to think that people who do bad things get punished in their lives somehow, but I don't know if I believe it with every fiber and not just when I'm really angry and disgusted by something I learned someone did or when I think about the aforementioned groups of people. I fully believe in natural ecology and how we're straining/depleting the Earth's natural resources so the ecological balance has definitely shifted. But when it comes to human societal "ecology" and "balance" I'm not at that level of deep-bone belief. I do believe in some form of six-degrees-of-separation so maybe the butterfly effect can occur but retribution or punishment to occur as a kind of cosmic balance instead of coincidences or people's choices affecting others kind of randomly, eh, don't know.

Maybe it'd be better to learn to live with "the shitty fact that shitty people get away with shitty things every shitty day" without expecting them to get punished in some cosmic/supernatural/non-human way if people don't directly take action against them.
hani_backup: (Pondering)
Kyle also took this class a few years ago with the same professor. I wonder what he wrote. I remember reading one of his poems, based on sensations, and there was another poem based on a color. I think Kyle chose "white" and talked about sambuca. I wonder if the professor will stick to the same assignments...

For the first one:

Mini-memoir: Bring four copies for workship on TH.

I'm thinking of this as assignment as "memoir as a series of snapshots of short films." You don't need to worry about creating a story at this point, or about whether or not the "snapshot" fit together. Hopefully this assignment will lead you to your longer nonfiction essay: this is practice and exploration time. Your goal is to create (re/create) part of the world you grew up in, to make that world tangible to readers. How do you do that? Assignment description )

I will admit some visceral dislike to this "place you grew up in/hometown" theme/question. The Ice-Breaker exercise on the first day of class was interviewing another student. Two of the questions on the handout were "What is your hometown? How would you describe it?" >_> My simple answer was "Malaysia. Hot, humid, delicious food."

Then, the next class we had an in-class assignment of writing "what we were made of" based on our hometown and poet Linda Gregg's describing what she's "made of" of where she grew up. (As an example of writing concrete images.) Excerpt ) I know the professor told us to avoid generalizations or abstract concepts but the first thing I wrote was "I am made of uncertainty built upon..." Grand abstract concept, that, "uncertainty." I envy Linda Gregg for having such vivid memories of a home-town.

Frequent rant, I know. I don't know if a lot of people take it for granted, having a sense and feel of "home" and memories of a school and/or a residence that's more than 3 years, but sometimes I feel they do. They don't really see how lucky they are. Even as they grow older and have different homes where they live with roommates, partners, spouse, family, pets, whatever, they still have a "home" with Mom and Dad (or whatever arrangement of parents and siblings there are). I can't imagine what it feels like moving out from a house you'd lived in for 16-18 years, or living/leaving in a house that's been in your family for generations. I can't fully empathize with the feeling of that kind of broken attachment. I can definitely empathize with the hassle of packing and unpacking, and some of the missing-home/homesickness, but I imagine my magnitude and degree of missing-home is different from theirs.

I also know there are a lot of variance in people's home situations. I'm describing an "ideal" childhood home life where there was no moving, a steady physical thing as a "home" where the parents don't move after the children move out, until they're old or in assisted living, where they can go back for (family) holidays, etc.
~End rant this particular time~

We did some in-class scribbling after she gave us the assignment. I have two memories I know I want to do, but I'm a little uncertain about the third one. And which question I'm answering -- three incidents involving moving, or three settings regarding the place(s) I grew up. *shrug*

We'll see how it goes, eh?

Oh, right! Please excuse typos for the assignment. I re-typed it from the handout she gave us (instead of copying and pasting it from Moodle) and my typing skills aren't fantastic now.
hani_backup: (Silhouette and shadows)

I linked to this article "Women announced suicide on Facebook, no one helped" on my Facebook profile. 

I got a very, very despicable answer.

A person on my profile replied "she sucks" on it, to which I responded "Excuse me?" 

His response, after deleting his original post "she sucks" was:

"Yeah she's weak and doesn't know how to deal with her problems like an adult. That's some emo myspace shit."

Oh, that asshole.  I read the post and responded on my mobile phone.  That...asshole. 

I responded with

"So you wrote "she sucks" as your initial response to the post, erased it, then comes back with saying she's weak? Because she committed suicide/attempted it at all, or because she wrote a suicide note online?
I think it's despicable others ...taunted her or made fun of her and didn't take her seriously. I think it's sad that her only friends who asked for her address were those who didn't live nearby and those who seemed to know didn't do anything. Someone saying they'll kill themselves is serious, especially if they seem specific about how and/or when.
There are people who threaten suicide or self-harm to emotionally manipulate people, I've met them or heard of them, but every instance should still be taken seriously. Even if only to show people that their statement is taken seriously, be they seriously suicidal or emotionally manipulative."

It's sooo infuriating, reading his comments.  
hani_backup: (Scythe Wolf)
A few weeks ago I got hooked onto this song. I hadn't heard it before, but I saw an article saying there would be a "sequel" to Eminem's "Love the Way You Lie" featuring Rihanna. Never heard of this song, so I hunted it down after reading the article. The sequel would be on Rihanna's outcoming album with her singing most of the lyrics and Eminem backing her up. Same chorus though.

Eminem's video stars Megan Fox (Transformers) and Dominic Monaghan (Lost, Lord of the Rings, FlashForward) as a dysfunctional, violent couple. There are scenes of violence in this video, but it's from both people in the video.

Haunting lyrics
Lyrics )

It's a chilling, scary video. I haven't seen an abusive or toxic relationship in person or known people that well while they were going through an abusive or toxic relationship, but I imagine it might be like this.

Granted, watching this video was what prompted a Facebook status from earlier this month:

"So in cases where (in a heterosexual relationship) the female hits the male first/constantly, I don't think it's violence per se if he tries to restrains her and bruises end up forming..."

I got an interesting anecdote from a friend:
Anecdote )

Yes, if someone is hitting you and they KNOW it (you know, you don't kick a baby down because they're waving their arms around and happen to hit you over and over again but they don't have control over it), you are definitely within your rights to try to restrain them with just enough force to stop them. It doesn't matter if they're female and you're male. And yes, it definitely does suck if the female goes "he held me down" and everybody automatically thinks the man's abusive and she should get away from him, when he had to hold her down because she was punching and hitting him and won't stop if/when he says "Stop!" People are still more geared towards thinking the male in a hetersexual relationship is the violent one, if there has to be a violent partner.

I don't have this song on my iTunes, so I've been replaying it on YouTube over and over again.

A lyrics video of the sequel.

Rihanna Love The Way You Lie - Part 2 [LYRICS on Screen ]

Lyrics )</></>
hani_backup: (Mulan-sword)
Video of The Woman with 15 Personalities and how "tests show physiological evidence of Paula's different personalities."

It doesn't appear they allow comments on the website I found this on. Pity. I wonder about the context my personality psychology professor will discuss dissociative personality disorder when we (finally) get to personality disorders. I know it's listed under Dissociative disorders instead of Personality disorders in the DSM-IV, but I think he'll see it as important in his class. *crosses fingers*

"To hospital for gunshot wounds or eat my delicious sandwich first? Nom, nom, nom..."

Yes, a man went home to eat his lunch before he went to the hospital for his two gunshot wounds. Amazing. One was in the left leg, the other in the groin. Also, the lack of fervor about the shooter is...disturbing?

I'm sorry for junking your friendslist with entries. Still scared to go to sleep.

I love this song.


hani_backup: (Default)

September 2012

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