Letter!

Aug. 24th, 2012 10:04 pm
hani_backup: (hadn't found)
Letter! I haz letter!

from Matthew!!!

It took four days to get here!

FOUR FLIPPING DAYS when it sometimes seems within US mail takes that long.

FOUR DAYS FROM Chicago to Warsaw!

Just yesterday on Gmail chat we were talking about DHL and mail. (Did you know DHL ceased operations in the US a few years ago but it's strong elsewhere and they deliver to Iran, Cuba and North Korea? North Korea! And it's part of Deutsche Post?)

I cried while reading the letter. I smiled. I laughed a little.

A letter and a drawing in Matt's handwriting...

Three years

Mar. 8th, 2012 07:33 pm
hani_backup: ("Romance")
Yesterday, March 7, 2012, was three years for Matt and I. Exclusively. We dated for several months beforehand.

Photo montage!

Boop )

I think we took a picture last night but I haven't the foggiest idea where my camera is. >_< I don't even remember what we did our first year anniversary. Mmmm...
hani_backup: (Default)
The last time I did this meme was a few years ago but still a Friday in September. As close to anniversaries as possible! Rewind and I hope some answers have changed. FYI/warning: this meme asks about memories, relationships (past and current), friends, daily life, interests among other stuff.

Meme, take two! )

I don't have interest in finishing this Ergo Proxy 1 Disc from Netflix. I really, really should. A llot of my downloadable library items will expire tomorrow and there's no way I can finish listening to (several) of them in time.

Darn.

:(

Feb. 1st, 2011 05:01 pm
hani_backup: (Xena -- Gabby writing)
Bad love stories happen to everybody, and anybody.

(Though I love that icon.)
hani_backup: ("Romance")
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Because I need a break from the studying and writing:

Trustworthy/reliable. 

Truthful. 

Compassionate. 

Self-aware. 

Flexible (able to compromise, not rigid. I don't mean gymnastics-flexible!). 

Passionate (about something, anything, even if I don't understand why or am not passionate about it myself).
hani_backup: ("Woodland Faerie")
about an engaged couple who crossed paths as toddlers!
hani_backup: (Default)
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This question is very ambiguous. I fall in love with my boyfriend repeatedly. The love is steady, it's there, calm and reassuring like a nice warm sunny day, but sometimes there are those...breathless "oh, wow" moments. Those times when I blink and I'm speechless and...yeah, I literally go "oh, wow" and sometimes I actually tell him "I just fell in love with you again." At least I'm pretty sure I have. (I have a lot of imaginary conversations so telling them apart from real ones is difficult, at times.) Ah, yes, like waves of love, or, to continue with my sunny day metaphor, like a really strong breeze that makes you even more glad you're outside and draws your attention outside from where it was (usually a book for me, or my inner thoughts) and makes you realize how damn beautiful it is outside and how lucky you are you're basking some place warm and safe without war or famine going around you.

(Wow, I cannot write romantic thoughts without bringing in downers.)

So, in that interpretation I bloody hell think it's possible to fall in love with the same person twice in a lifetime. Or darnit, more than twice.

I also think there's a difference between being "in love" with someone and "loving" them. The distinct is mostly romantic vs. platonic, in my mind. I love Kyle, my best friend and a former boyfriend, a lot but I'm not in love with him. I love some very close female friends, but I'm not in love with them. I consider Matt a friend, so I love him, and I consider him my lover, so I'm in love with him, too.

It seems, however, that this question is asking about people you were in a relationship with, then had a concrete break up, and now wondering if you could fall in love with them again.

More! )

Wow, I am so not coherent today.
hani_backup: (Can You Feel the Love?)
Such devotion! So sweet!

Article )
hani_backup: (Worthy of Love)
Here's one from CNN.com titled "Do men really want to get married?" and I found it quite sweet.

"I'd never really thought about it. But that was the point right there when I said to myself: 'Oh my gosh, you know what, this is the girl I'm going to marry,' " Brian said. "I can't picture myself spending the rest of my life with any other person than Alana."

Brian, 34, had indeed made the psychological leap. It was time to get this party started. Six months later, he proposed. They married in June.

If you believe the conventional wisdom, Brian's story is the exception.

"Real men" are perceived as committing "till death do us part" for the wrong reasons -- they marry out of convenience or under duress, and they acquiesce, kicking and screaming all the way to the altar.

Somewhere along the way, marriage and masculinity became mutually exclusive. But that stands in stark contrast to the dozens of men I spoke with, who admitted -- no, insisted -- they've fantasized about popping the question, getting married, even having a wedding.


And there are four examples. I found the list story a bit "hmmmm, really?" but *shrug* If it was after a failed marriage of 14 years, I suppose he has a better idea of what suits him and his lifestyle. (But we all know nobody can completely fit our perfect list...)

I admit the last one was the one I found most romantic. :-P

Question!

Mar. 13th, 2009 01:40 pm
hani_backup: (faerie queen)
I really hope a lot of people answer this. I'm curious what others would think. (And I apologize for gender bias/stereotyping and simplicity.)

Imagine there is a woman has been severely abused, mentally, emotionally, physically, in a marriage with someone who is a narcissistic alcoholic. A child came from this marriage that she loves with her life, and because of this child, she was willing to escape the marriage despite the fear of the new, unknown and threats. She endures going through the law to have the husband put in jail. Afterwards, on recovery and learning to be strong by herself, she makes a lot of friends and meets a man who is willing to be her partner, and there is mutual love and care between them.

Imagine this woman is suddenly, for some unforeseen reason, sent back in time to before she met her abusive husband. Do you think she should go through the abusive courtship and marriage in order to procreate this future child she loved/loves? In order to meet her new partner in that particular time frame, and her new friends?

I know this is bare-bones and you might ask how deeply she loved her child and her new partner and such, but this is more about self-love/self-worth and results of choices that may have happy ending... Is it worth going through this a second time (even if the first time was in her memory), the self-degradation, the pain, because she knows what it'll result in? Or is it not? Is it worth it, knowing that if it wasn't her, another woman would likely would be abused by him, and she may not have the strength to try to remove him from society through the law? Is it worth it, or is the memories of how to be a stronger and independent woman enough to forsake that life and hope she can build another happier one? Are other people's responsibilities and happiness enough to balance against your own and possibly overcome it? (And you would remember everything from the "first" life, too.)

It's confusing - I don't know how to phrase all the questions I have inside. I know I can do this better in an interactive conversation.

Argh.
hani_backup: (Writing)
...mostly, though I occasionally go downstairs to see relatives who come to visit me or fill out the passport form. I'm getting a new one since my current one will expire in December.

I updated the list of books founding in the two libraries back home (though I have other books I want to read that I own myself or I can borrow from others) from my Amazon Wish List.

I finished reading the book Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures. There's a case study in here I find complex and incredulous. It's long. It's like a soap opera. I told one person this story is a very abbreviated form over chat, but I thought the whole story would be more interesting. Kudos to those who read this through! If this story offends people, I'm sorry!

A Story of Love and Jealousy: Alan and Linda and Gail

When Alan met Linda, she was in her first year of law school and he had a small house-painting business. Linda was a brilliant student and is an exceptionally attractive woman. Despite all her acknowledged success, however, she was very insecure. Alan, a virile, earthy, and affectionate man, calmed her. His love made her feel safe. No other man had ever made her feel that secure. Alan was the man who could take care of her and give her the loving attention her successful father never had time to give.

Alan, for his part, couldn't believe a woman like Linda would even look in the direction of a simple man like him, yet she was actually reciprocating his love. He was thrilled. He admired Linda's intelligence and identified with her academic success. She gave him an entrance into a world he had always considered beyond his reach. Their love for each other was passionate. Linda was the "wing" (intellectual, flighty, temperamental) and Alan the "roots" (simple, down to earth, stable). Together they felt complete. Things were going so well that they soon decided to get married.

Their marriage was passionate and turbulent. The areas in which they complemented each other intensified their mutual attraction, but the difference in their social status created a growing number of problems and conflicts. Linda complained that she couldn't talk to Alan the way she did to men in school. Alan complained that she was too involved in her studies. With a moment's reflection it becomes clear that Alan's and Linda's complaints about each other were related to the things they found most attractive when they first met. Linda was attracted to Alan's earthiness and simplicity; now he was too earthy and simple. Alan was attracted to Linda's intelligence and academic involvement; now he thought she was too involved academically.

Alan's complaints made Linda feel that he was criticizing her careers goals. His lack of supports made her withdraw even further into her academic world. Linda's complaints hurt Alan's pride. He became increasingly more uncomfortable in social situations involving Linda's fellow students and law professors and tried to avoid these situations as much as he could.

Given the growing distance between Alan and Linda, and the intensity built into the relationships among law students, who spend long hours studying together, what happened was almost inevitable: Linda had an affair with another student in her program. She felt that this man, unlike Alan, was her equal. They shared similar goals and she could talk with him about things she could never talk about with Alan.

Alan was terribly hurt by Linda's affair and responded with tremendous jealousy. The affair was particularly painful for him, because it took away what he found most rewarding about Linda's love--her acceptance of him as an equal.

Linda's lover was someone with whom Alan felt unable to compete; he wasn't enough as a man or as a male. The "wings" Linda's love gave him had been clipped. Now she shared with someone else what he considered an even greater intimacy than the intimacy she had with him--the intimacy of minds. Alan's pain was unbearable.

To help himself overcome the pain, Alan started playing tennis several times a week. His good looks and excellent skills made him a desirable tennis partner. Alan found himself talking with the attractive women he had played tennis with. Unlike Linda, these women seemed to appreciate him, to share his values, and to delight in his company. It didn't take him long to get sexually involved with one of them, and later on with two more. The sexual liaisons restored his self-confidence.

Now it was Linda's turn to experience the pain of jealousy. By this time her own affair was over. The law student had returned to a committed relationship he had with someone else; his affair with Linda turned out to be only a diversion. Linda was crushed. She had failed with a man who was her equal. This reinforced her belief that anyone she found desirable would never want her in the long run. She longed for the security of Alan's love, but now Alan was giving his love to other women. Linda couldn't bear it, even though she considered the other women "stupid fools."

Linda's jealousy focused on the most important things Alan's love gave her; the thing she was now most afraid to lose: her feeling of secure ground under her feet. If she lost Alan's love, her life would not be worth living.

Linda started to woo Alan back, using every charm she knew would attract him. Alan was delighted, and happy to return to her. His encounters with women who were "less liberated" than Linda, however, made him aware of his need for a home--not the kind of home that Linda had provided, but a "real home" complete wit ha hotel meal waiting when he came home from work. They decided to hire a live-in housekeeper who would stay in a spare room in exchange for cleaning and cooking. That housekeeper was Gail.
 

pg 206-212
Pines, Ayala M. Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures. London, GB: Routledge, 1998.
There's also a few pages afterwards with case analysis, and some about Alan's and Linda's family life growing up but I don't know if anybody would be interested in that.

Seriously, isn't this story made for TV? How many times did Alan and Linda sleep with other people and invoke jealousy in the other person?? Such a weird love triangle... And it's "almost inevitable" Linda would have an affair with a fellow law student?! Should the moral of this story be: Marry someone of the same "status" as you? Know your sexual orientation?

I don't quite comprehend how the ending could have come about... It seems like most of the time Alan and Linda only wanted each other when they couldn't have each other. You ask me, Gail's the one who got sucker-punched by both Alan and Linda. How fucking magnanimous of Linda to offer to help pay Gail's therapy bills after she and Alan fucking crushed her heart! I don't know who's the biggest chump and the biggest meanest person...
hani_backup: ("game of cards")
Started Saturday morning, December 15th.

I don't recollect the first time Stephen King became part of my vocabulary and consciousness. I vaguely recall knowing It, Christine and The Langoliers were connected with Stephen King but not when or how...

I have seen the entirety or parts of Christine, The Sleepwalkers (cracks me up to realize it's Brian Krause/Leo from Charmed in this movie), Carrie, The Shining, The Deadzone, The Running Man (I thought Arnold Schwarzenegger was good in that movie. *giggles* But that's my opinion from when I was at least six to nine years old), The Langoliers (my sister and I were terrified watching this!), The Rage: Carrie 2 (I remember being so amazed at how sexual it was - then again I was much younger and more pure), Misery, The Green Mile, TV's Kingdom Hospital and Secret Window.

I've read Rose Madder, I think back in Vietnam.  I'm unsure if I was in Hanoi or Ho Chi Minh City, but I remember my sister was still with us and she was the one who brought home the book from the library. Unfortunately my memory of the book is very wispy, but I remember being intrigued by the mythological aspect of it. I loved Greek mythology back in 5th grade in ISKL, and because of this and books such as Rose Madder I was really interested when my Spring FYI professor introduced us to Greek mythology. It made it easier to remember the stories and characters during his analogy-like quizzes. (That said, I do not know stories such as The Iliad.)

It )


I'm in the middle of writing excerpts and citing for an English exam due tomorrow at midnight so that's why I did Works Cited here. :D I'm in the mode. Two finals, and a paper left!

(Calculus II was wretchedly hard.)

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