...mostly, though I occasionally go downstairs to see relatives who come to visit me or fill out the passport form. I'm getting a new one since my current one will expire in December.
I updated the list of books founding in the two libraries back home (though I have other books I want to read that I own myself or I can borrow from others) from my Amazon Wish List.
I finished reading the book Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures.
There's a case study in here I find complex and incredulous. It's long. It's like a soap opera. I told one person this story is a very
abbreviated form over chat, but I thought the whole story would be more interesting. Kudos to those who read this through! If this story offends people, I'm sorry!
A Story of Love and Jealousy: Alan and Linda and Gail
When Alan met Linda, she was in her first year of law school and he had a small house-painting business. Linda was a brilliant student and is an exceptionally attractive woman. Despite all her acknowledged success, however, she was very insecure. Alan, a virile, earthy, and affectionate man, calmed her. His love made her feel safe. No other man had ever made her feel that secure. Alan was the man who could take care of her and give her the loving attention her successful father never had time to give.
Alan, for his part, couldn't believe a woman like Linda would even look in the direction of a simple man like him, yet she was actually reciprocating his love. He was thrilled. He admired Linda's intelligence and identified with her academic success. She gave him an entrance into a world he had always considered beyond his reach. Their love for each other was passionate. Linda was the "wing" (intellectual, flighty, temperamental) and Alan the "roots" (simple, down to earth, stable). Together they felt complete. Things were going so well that they soon decided to get married.
Their marriage was passionate and turbulent. The areas in which they complemented each other intensified their mutual attraction, but the difference in their social status created a growing number of problems and conflicts. Linda complained that she couldn't talk to Alan the way she did to men in school. Alan complained that she was too involved in her studies. With a moment's reflection it becomes clear that Alan's and Linda's complaints about each other were related to the things they found most attractive when they first met. Linda was attracted to Alan's earthiness and simplicity; now he was too earthy and simple. Alan was attracted to Linda's intelligence and academic involvement; now he thought she was too involved academically.
Alan's complaints made Linda feel that he was criticizing her careers goals. His lack of supports made her withdraw even further into her academic world. Linda's complaints hurt Alan's pride. He became increasingly more uncomfortable in social situations involving Linda's fellow students and law professors and tried to avoid these situations as much as he could.
Given the growing distance between Alan and Linda, and the intensity built into the relationships among law students, who spend long hours studying together, what happened was almost inevitable: Linda had an affair with another student in her program. She felt that this man, unlike Alan, was her equal. They shared similar goals and she could talk with him about things she could never talk about with Alan.
Alan was terribly hurt by Linda's affair and responded with tremendous jealousy. The affair was particularly painful for him, because it took away what he found most rewarding about Linda's love--her acceptance of him as an equal.
Linda's lover was someone with whom Alan felt unable to compete; he wasn't enough as a man or as a male. The "wings" Linda's love gave him had been clipped. Now she shared with someone else what he considered an even greater intimacy than the intimacy she had with him--the intimacy of minds. Alan's pain was unbearable.
To help himself overcome the pain, Alan started playing tennis several times a week. His good looks and excellent skills made him a desirable tennis partner. Alan found himself talking with the attractive women he had played tennis with. Unlike Linda, these women seemed to appreciate him, to share his values, and to delight in his company. It didn't take him long to get sexually involved with one of them, and later on with two more. The sexual liaisons restored his self-confidence.
Now it was Linda's turn to experience the pain of jealousy. By this time her own affair was over. The law student had returned to a committed relationship he had with someone else; his affair with Linda turned out to be only a diversion. Linda was crushed. She had failed with a man who was her equal. This reinforced her belief that anyone she found desirable would never want her in the long run. She longed for the security of Alan's love, but now Alan was giving his love to other women. Linda couldn't bear it, even though she considered the other women "stupid fools."
Linda's jealousy focused on the most important things Alan's love gave her; the thing she was now most afraid to lose: her feeling of secure ground under her feet. If she lost Alan's love, her life would not be worth living.
Linda started to woo Alan back, using every charm she knew would attract him. Alan was delighted, and happy to return to her. His encounters with women who were "less liberated" than Linda, however, made him aware of his need for a home--not the kind of home that Linda had provided, but a "real home" complete wit ha hotel meal waiting when he came home from work. They decided to hire a live-in housekeeper who would stay in a spare room in exchange for cleaning and cooking. That housekeeper was Gail.
Pines, Ayala M. Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures. London, GB: Routledge, 1998.
There's also a few pages afterwards with case analysis, and some about Alan's and Linda's family life growing up but I don't know if anybody would be interested in that.
Seriously, isn't this story made for TV? How many times did Alan and Linda sleep with other people and invoke jealousy in the other person?? Such a weird love triangle... And it's "almost inevitable" Linda would have an affair with a fellow law student?! Should the moral of this story be: Marry someone of the same "status" as you? Know your sexual orientation?
I don't quite comprehend how the ending could have come about... It seems like most of the time Alan and Linda only wanted each other when they couldn't have
each other. You ask me, Gail's the one who got sucker-punched by both Alan and Linda. How fucking magnanimous of Linda to offer to help pay Gail's therapy bills after she and Alan fucking crushed her heart! I don't know who's the biggest chump and the biggest meanest person...