hani_backup: (moon)
Earlier this week I was talking with someone about our births.  I was musing over the fact that I felt I should have been bigger and taller than I currently am, if only because both my sisters are taller than my mom whereas I'm the shortest in the family.  I then told them about what my mom had told me: That there was something wrong with her/my placenta during her pregnancy of me so I didn't get all of the nutrients I should have had from all the food she eating.  There was a possibility also of the oxygen uptake and gas exchange (O2, CO2) not being optimal.

I knew already that my conversing partner was 10 pounds 4 ounces (10.25lbs/4.6493 kg).  That's really big for an infant!  The nurses bought their mother flowers, out of sympathy.. They were born with the umbilical cord around their neck. Thankfully they were delivered with a C-section, which made it easier to ease the umbilical off.

I was born very small though I didn't know how much I weighed at birth.  I stayed in the incubator for 26 days afterwards which doesn't seem a long time to me, but I was told it was a long time by the other person's standards. I don't know how different hospitalized neonatal care is in Malaysia and other countries.

This ignorance of my birth weight led me to text my mother and ask her.  Apparently I was 1.5 kg. In American terms, that 3.3lbs/3 pounds 4.8 ounces!  I was about a third of the other person's baby weight!  We didn't know what the ranges were for underweight, normal, and large babies were besides our vague notion that double digit pound babies are huge.  They Googled something like 3.3lbs baby and found that I was on the cusp of underweight-very/extremely underweight baby or very low birthweight for some sites

My mom texted me that  I was not a premature baby and went to full term.  I had a vague notion about that, just from my mom once telling me that I "didn't want to leave" and that one of my sisters were "eager to leave."  She also mentioned again something being wrong with the placenta. Her remark led me to Googling some terms I can't remember now but led me to intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR). 

According to PubMed:

Intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR) refers to the poor growth of a baby while in the mother's womb during pregnancy. Specifically, it means the developing baby weights less than 90% of other babies at the same gestational age.

More )

I don't know if the doctor gave this as a possibility to my mom.  I have no idea what was wrong with the placenta, if there was a name for it. My dad's told me my head seemed big for my body and it was all "floppy" but baby's necks are too weak to support the head, anyway.  I didn't get passive antibodies from my mother, spread through breastmilk, because I was fed on formula.  I didn't react well to something in her breastmilk, a sensitivity to something.

I don't know if I would ever have children.  Maybe?  Maybe not.  I know I can expect a small baby, if not hope for a small baby!  My mom, after giving birth to all of us, was pretty thin, judging from the photos and some of her post-pregnancy clothes I tried on.  (Like clothes from when we lived in NYC when I was 11 months old.)  She got married when she was 23 years old and I can't fit in her wedding outfit; she was that slim.  I do have a different body shape from my sisters and my mom, though.  One of my older sisters could fit in her wedding outfit, at least back in high school.  My mom was pretty athletic all through primary and secondary school. She likes to take long walks when she can.

On a funny note, my mom texted me that my older sisters were 5 and 5.5 kilos.  That's 11lbs and 12.1lbs, respectively!  That's bigger than the person I was talking with, and their mother was far taller than my mother!  I texted her back, saying that was heavy and she said, no, it's normal and I responded, no, I don't think so.  Then she replied and said that she got it wrong, they were 5 and 5.5 pounds at birth, not kilograms! Whew, what a relief!

50/50

Feb. 4th, 2012 06:59 pm
hani_backup: (Fox2)
When 50/50 was advertised on TV and in the cinema, I thought it was seemed good. I never got to watch it in the cinema, though.

Thursday evening Matt and I watched 50/50. It is a very good film. The beginning was a little to get used to, because of the sexual profanity - Seth Rogen's character, Kyle, asks Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character, Adam, if Adam's been having sex and when Adam reveals he hasn't, Kyle gets a little profane. It's in a good humor manner. However, when Adam is diagnosed with cancer, the actors do a very good job of showing how each character reacts to the news.

I cried during the film, I laughed during the film. Gordon-Levitt is exceptional at using his face to portray emotion. Rogen delivers his line and actions as the ostensibly funny man wonderfully. (Anna) Kendrick as the somewhat formal psychotherapist is fantastic. (She is a clinical psychology student on her way to her master's or PhD.)

I don't know how to talk about this movie without giving spoilers. Unlikes other TV shows or movies, I didn't want to find spoilers during this movie. I was so engrossed and so excited about this movie.

The movie did remind me about my cousins who passed away from cancer. Back in 1992 or so (I don't remember the specific year since I was a young child) and back in August 2010. It reminded me of my aunt and great-aunt who passed away from breast cancer, fleetingly, but more about my cousins because they were about the same age of the protagonist in 50/50.
hani_backup: (Mulan-sword)
Christmas
I spent the 23rd-30th of December with my sister out of state. Christmas )

Cancer
The evening of Christmas Day my mom called me, asking to see how our trip went. Christmas isn't significant to her so having bad news on that day isn't as shocking. The call was normal and everything was like "How was your trip? The flight?"

Then my mom told me about her mother. Apparently my grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer all the way back in June or July. And I didn't find out until December!!! That's half a year! Grandma )

Christian church wedding
In December 2010 I received an invitation to a wedding for one of my host sisters. (My college pairs each international student with a host family. It's up to each person and family how close they remain during the four years.) My host family consists of the parents, two older daughters and four younger sons. My host family is highly involved in their church and held the ceremony and reception in their church. They were very kind and made room for Matt during the reception. It was my first experience going to a Christian wedding!

Wedding )

Yeah, three C's right there... If I remember I'll post up some pictures!

I'm watching Robyn performing on SNL Season 37, Episode 9. (Katy Perry hosted.) I saw Robyn live summer 2010. :D

Gratitudes

Oct. 1st, 2011 04:58 am
hani_backup: (Dark angel)
It's been a long while. There are so many things to be grateful for, beginning with very basic physical survival skills like having all my five senses working, even if they're not as humanly optimal as they could be. Genetics and my own shoddy taking-care-of-myself, yep. But things like being able to walk around are happy things. My body isn't (yet) at a point when I can't handle a pair of stairs if I wanted to and while I may grouse at walking 30 minutes because of bad weather or inappropriate sandals/shoes, I usually don't back away from it for physical reasons unless I'm really tired or carrying heavy things around. I can eat solid food and foods with lactose, gluten... I don't have food allergies that I know of though I should keep everything moderate. Even though I don't have insurance - scary - so far I haven't had to visit a doctor/psychiatrist or psychologist. I can think and understand most things around me, even if I am a little slow on the uptake or too literal or too scared to trust my own thinking and so ask a million questions.

Then there are the "essentials needs" like clothes, shelter, food, water. I have all this. Even when I lived by myself and had a bad diet, I still had potential and resources for a good diet. I have access to drinkable water. I am under a roof. I don't have my winter stuff with me so I'm currently freezing in this abrupt autumn, but that's because they're in storage. We'll get them next weekend, here's hoping.

Then there are the needs of touch and companionship which I do have. I don't have as many people to talk to in person as readily as when I was on campus, but I do have access to the Internet and there's the possibility of mashing schedules together to make something work. This weekend is Homecoming weekend; Matt and I are going back. Weird being an alum, still. Even though I've been withdrawn people do reach out from time to time and ask me how I'm doing, regardless if I reply immediately.

I have a part-time job of sorts (it's kind of like work for room and board) and promising volunteer experiences. Next week I meet a graduate student at University of Chicago's Human Behavioral Pharmacology Laboratory (website isn't quite up to date as the graduate student I'm to meet isn't up there) to be a volunteer research assistant, an orientation of sorts and to meet others helping with the study. I also have a volunteer orientation set at Easter Seals, though there I'm more clerical volunteer and background because I don't have the right certification or experience to be in the classroom. (I had to get a physical and background check done to volunteer with the Illinois Department Children & Family Services.)

My family, last I know, are doing okay. There was a bit of a scare earlier this week - some hospital stays - but they're better now. Oh. My eldest sister is pregnant again. I found out near the end of August so I think she's maybe...12 weeks along now? It was surprising to me because I still haven't met her first child so it seems so quick! It also hurts a bit that her daughter is growing up and going through a lot of firsts and we (her two aunts) weren't there to see them or celebrate later in person. My niece turned 2 years old recently. We're strangers to her and she to us, though we get pictures now and then and news from our parents when they visit her. A lot of my aunts and uncles and cousins are strangers to me; I suppose the cycle continues, with the continental distances.

What sucks about having (as in being diagnosed with it, not just the temporary episodes that occurs normally) depression is that no matter how many good things are going in your life, you still feel, well, depressed. I don't think it's as simple as "thinking out of it" but I hope I have enough fortitude not to continue being self-hating when I see how many people have found employment - via Facebook or alumni notices from high school or college. I know I'm capable of employment which makes it more frustrating, and I don't find jobs like customer service or dishwashing below me. And sometimes there doesn't seem to be a concrete event sparking my depression.

I know I will be a bit of an emotional mess visiting Beloit again, going by last time's visit, but hey - ballroom dance! My shoes are in storage but heh, I'm fine dancing ballroom bare-feet. There's also a possible Apple Hut visit with apple cider donuts. Yum yum.

My memory is bad and I'm still literal enough to do a list for each day and making them specific to events or revelations, so for Thursday and Friday what I remember...

Thursday, September 29
1. Got safely across the city via train and bus
2. A new system/background for doing insurance statements because the last one was a little ZOMG.
3. Pot roast! Or is it roast pot? No, it's pot roast...
4. Found some things I thought I lost
5. Made kek batik with Matt
6. Finished a freaking awesome book - The Girl With No Hands (and other tales) by Angela Slatter

Friday, September 30
1. Found out what was wrong with the fridge.
2. Meatball marinara Subway
3. Chicken for dinner and green grapes and strawberries for dessert (there were also artichokes but not a fan)
4. A great Fleet Foxes performance though some concert-goers were not courteous
5. No stress with trying to find parking or getting there and back. Whew.
6. Disney Pixar stamps.
hani_backup: (Mulan-Who is that girl I see?)


I do sometimes wonder about that...how children react knowing/finding out one of their parents had plastic surgery (for non-necessary medical reasons). From the sound of the postsecret it doesn't sound like the plastic surgery was for medical reasons (skin grafts for a burn, cleft lip, breast reduction for back pain, etc.) so I'm going to assuming it's more for cosmetic reasons. I think I'd find it hypocritical, considering my parents' beliefs and how they forbade me to wear nail polish or use henna outside of wedding things and bleaching and dyeing your hairw as definitely not allowed and seen as being ungrateful for how God made you... But if it weren't for those beliefs, I imagine I might be more self-conscious about my body and possibly harangue for plastic surgery for myself. >_<

If I was a parent and my kid wanted plastic surgery... )

Going back to the original PostSecret, yes, I think I'd feel more self-conscious about my body if I suddenly found out a parent had plastic surgery done (assuming they weren't being hypocrites) and wonder if that parent judges me on my appearance. (The comments my parents usually make about my appearance is my hair is too wet to go outside in public, brush my hair, or I should eat more cause I'm too thin.) I think my mom and dad look fine the way they are. I rarely think about their appearance, unless they ask me too or someone asks me what they look like. I generally think people look okay the way they do and if I found out something I thought was nice about them or just naturally part of them was fake... Yeah, weird. And I'd get suspicious of my judgement from then on, about what is natural and what isn't...
hani_backup: (Disney Forest)

Visited Planned Parenthood today to refill my prescription for birth control. Apparently pap smears are now recommended every two years if there are no abnormal results. I had no idea. Back home the speculum’s shoved up yearly, in August, before school begins. Though last year I had to come back in November because the sample they sent in August was contaminated because the packaging/container was expired. Thanks, clinic.

It wasn’t an unpleasant experience. It was awkward trying to fill out medical history for me and my family on the form. When the doctor came in she asked who in the family had the conditions/illnesses I checked off. >_< I only know a few things about my relatives - basically the deaths caused by cancer or if someone has/had diabetes. We don’t talk much. And mental illnesses - forget about that!

But beforehand the nurse showed me the doctor’s room (after waiting after turning in the multiple ‘new patient’ sheets) and took my weight and blood pressure. She didn’t take my temperature which I wasn’t used to. (It’s weird, back home they didn’t weigh me but took my temp every pap appt and here it seems reversed.)

I don’t know if it’s because they’re Planned Parenthood or just the protocol for a medical institute - they’re an office among many in a mall space - but we had to get buzzed in to enter. Maybe both.

Reading the abortion pamphlet in the doctor’s office while waiting was sobering. I think, if ever I was to get one, I would choose an abortion caused by pills than the procedure, if I had a choice. It seems the pill-one is only effective up to 7 weeks or so.

And the nearby ALDI does not have Maria/Marie biscuits. :(

More pics!

May. 16th, 2011 01:54 pm
hani_backup: (dancing!)
Pics )

With my diploma!


My national costume


*sigh* )
hani_backup: (dancing!)
The ceremony is to start at 11am, CST...

OHMYGOD, I can't believe it...

I talked to two of my professors when I saw them at the Interdisciplinary departmental reception earlier today.

I got an A- for Psych Disorders.

I got an A or A- for Technology and Cognition Beyond the Brain.

I got an A for my thesis!!!!

SWEET!!!

I don't know about my other two classes - seniors can only access their grades on the 20th online with the underclassmen. Unless we ask professors directly like I did. I avoided asking the other professor there, because her class (senior capstone Translating Liberal Arts) was so hard. It was the one that made me break down the most. I'm sure it dragged my overall GPA and my term GPA quite, quite down. I shoud have just stuck at the senior thesis and not done both a senior thesis and senior capstone, with three other classes and auditing another class. The other graded class is Introduction to Creative Writing. The audited class was Introduction to Cog Sci...

I need to go bring a dress to a friend (the de Riguer dress) for her to try on, then continue with this cleaning and packing up my room.

After the IDST reception, my parents went back to the hotel to sleep. They traveled 35.5 hours (the delay in transit at JFK didn't help) and arrived here after midnight today. I spent time with a friend, then back in my room for more packing, then watched the Baccalaureate. I cried several times...

Graduation...

Must keep laptop on for the energetic music. I'm stuck on Britney Spears's "I Wanna Go" since I got her CD eralier this week.
hani_backup: (Clap)
My first one was canceled because of the snow storm, and I got out of my second and third classes early!

I just have to do my final papers, meet up with a professor and then I'm off next week for lots of traveling and meeting people I haven't seen in a while! Well, for Matt the last time was Thanksgiving break, but for my sister and brother-in-law since last winter and for [livejournal.com profile] hana_ginkawa, never!!!

WHEEEEE!!!!
hani_backup: (Tori - blue)
It was the best/worst example of "bad timing" ever.

Not to mention that this Thursday and Tuesday we are holding discussions about Tuesdays with Morrie.

Just lots of thoughts )
hani_backup: (pi pie)
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This was the topic of my first speech for Introduction to Public Speaking class! I started it during the spring 2009 semester, before I dropped out.

It's very simple. I know. The professor commented that my first draft was not explicit enough, nor did it "show" my personality/let the audience know about me through my superpower choice so... I made it very blunt. I got 49/50 for the speech, too! Kyle and Matt helped me rewrite it and listen to me the night before. :D :D Good memories of that night. It's really awesome when your best friend and boyfriend/significant other are friends. :D

I do tell people when I like them, but only when I'm confident they like me, too. Actually...well, that part of the speech was very simplistic. Ever since that 8th grade situation, I've been lucky enough to have the people I was interested in reciprocate it. (Of course, after we got together was another story. The reasons for break-ups were multitudes. I remember my first boyfriend pretending to like my best friend so I would give up on him and realize he didn't want me back. >_>) So when I was relatively sure they liked me, too, and weren't just touchy-feely friends, I've told quite a few of them I liked them/wanted to date/be steady. With Matt, it was pretty obvious, and he told me. :-D That night was Study Night #2 for Biometrics for us and the final was the next day. It was hilarious how similar our answers/marks were for past exams so we couldn't really fill out the blanks/unknown stuff for a few things! *laughs* But yeah...that night he was very forthright and very considerate.

Introductory Speech – My Chosen Superpower

Bonjour. Ni hao. Assalamualaikum. Privet. Namaste. Konnichi wa. Hello.

These are but a few ways of greeting someone. It’s language, communication, connection. To instantly know every verbal language on Earth. All dialects included. To understand all body language. This is what I want. This is my superpower. I’m terrible at communicating. What’s the point of a superpower if it can’t give me something I lack?

I’ve lived in Malaysia, the United States, Indonesia, Vietnam and Romania. Whenever someone asks “How many languages do you know?” I must reply with “Only English fluently.” I knew a few Romanian and Vietnamese phrases but nothing beyond a tourist’s scope. I feel the deficiency of language strongly. I’ve felt this for more than a decade.

I knew Malay when I was younger. Learning English forced it from my mind when I was about five years old, though. I can understand conversational Malay but responding or writing in kind is beyond me. I’m embarrassed when I visit my grandparents and relatives who don’t know English. My parents have to translate for us. My relatives are strangers to me and I to them. This lack of language can be such a block. Even gesturing doesn’t get much across.

I’m very blunt and unperceptive. I love facts. I did much better during my sciences classes than my drama courses in high school. Subtlety escapes me. This was illustrated during a mortifying field trip. I thought the way a classmate behaved indicated he liked me but he actually didn’t. Unfortunately I told him on the first day of a week traveling together. This is one of many such experiences. This incident has made me reluctant to express my romantic feelings unless the other person expresses his first.

After I graduate from Beloit, I want to see more of the world, but on my own terms. Traveling for my own sake would be fabulous instead of following my dad’s diplomatic postings. I like knowing people with different lifestyles and backgrounds from my own. I’ve met many such people in Beloit. Better still to meet them in their native country and speak their native tongue.

I chose Beloit because a second language isn’t a graduation requirement. That’s how much language is a problem for me. I wish I could understand people who matter in my life or who might in the future. My superpower fulfills this wish.

hani_backup: ("Thought made flesh")
From MSNBC Health (via AP)
Scientists create human sperm from stem cells
Technique could help infertile men, but other experts doubt research data


Interesting claim. And possible ramifications.

Sorry if I'm deluging your friendlist with articles lately. My life has been very...blah lately. Got the final 2 vaccines needed (Typhoid and H1N1 - I was wrong on Monday about the other Hep shot being done), they hurt so much, did a bank errand, napped, dinner with one of my dad's friends from primary and secondary school and his family at a good seafood restaurant, vomited involuntarily in the restroom (cause I ate too much of the too rich food) and so arms are sore, period still cramping me up and feeling queasy = Izzy being drained.

Yay.

Also, I got some unfortunate family news so blah. Blah.

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