hani_backup: (hmmmm)
From Sinfest:

Alt text: You know I've always hated her.

It is one of my big annoyances when people confuse "I'm sorry"-sympathy with "I'm sorry"-I-take-responsibility. I sometimes ask for "I'm sorry" not because I think the other person's has done something wrong, but because I'd like them to express sympathy. It's led to some fights or confusion. I ask for "I'm sorry" because it's the simplest way though I suppose I could ask, explicitly, for reassurance in some other phrase since "I'm sorry" is confusing. At least in English. And there are other nuances of "I'm sorry" that interest me. I've been thinking of writing a LJ post about the phrase "I'm sorry" for a few months but I've always lost interest or got distracted.

Are there other ways to say a sympathetic "I'm sorry" differently from a I-take-responsibility "I'm sorry" in other languages? I don't know about Malay...
hani_backup: (Rose Dance)
I haven't touched a laptop since I packed up Friday afternoon to visit Matt and his family... The past few days have been eventful, to say the least. I got on the train a bit late on Friday (for safety's sake it's preferred that I'm on the train by 5pm). And then the bus was a little late... But I got there on time. We watched the final disc of True Blood Season 3.  What a mind-trip. And so dark, dark, dark. Then some serious discussion time with Matt and a phone call with a friend. Serious times. I think I finally crawled into bed around 4am.

Because of the late night, Matt and I didn't get up early to prepare for our trip to the beach, Ohio Street Beach which opens at 11am. We only got up around 11am, something like that, to his brother telling us breakfast was ready. Which it wasn't, completely, but we helped set the table and all that while waiting for the gravy to be done. Yummy biscuits...

Then, afterwards, we readied our stuff. Matt did most of the work, finding the beach blanket, the beach chairs, the umbrella, the Frisbee, preparing the food, etc...

The last time we took a trip to the beach, on July 4th, it went horribly. We were suppose to meet one of my former high school friends and some of her friends up in Evanston, where we didn't know where the beach was or parking situation. We got there, we walked a lot of blocks with our heavy cooler, and my phone didn't get reception. >_< I used Matt's phone but I kept getting my friend's voice mail after several rings. OH MY GOODNESS, I felt so worried and guilty and tense, because it was my friend we were going to meet and the meet-up didn't happen successfully. Turns out she had forgotten her phone back where she's staying and so she had to use one of her friend's smartphones to look up my number in a Facebook message to her. I had called Matt's brother to ask him to pick us up, then I had to call him back and cancel it after he was already a few blocks away (couldn't go further because of roadblocks). My former schoolmates and her friends were way late, too.... It was awkward, tense. The fireworks were a nice show, but it still left a bitter taste in our mouths... It was a very tense situation.

Yesterday's beach adventure was suppose to make for the crap-show the 4th of July was. It did not.

We got on the highway fine, but then the GPS started getting all weird. Ohio Street Beach is given the address of 400 N. Lake Shore Dr n the Chicago Park District official website - though it's not on Google Maps by itself - and then it directed us to the middle of the highway. We're not familiar with the area and how to get underneath or beside the highway. Parking was horrendous. We went around and around for more than an hour? We finally got a parking spot in a parking building near Navy Pier, got a taxi and asked him to take us to Oak Street Beach, but then we noticed Ohio Street Beach was on the map so he dropped us off nearby. We had to walk a bit to find it.

That was around 5:45pm. The beach closes at 7pm. We left the house around...3:30pm? And it takes about 45 minutes to get there, by GPS and traffic. The remaining time was just...going around and around. We were very frustrated and tense... But we found it, in the end.

Ohio Street Beach is much smaller than North Ave Beach. It's at the end of Pfc Milton Olive Park. It's not on Google Maps, even, Ohio Street Beach. Anyhoo, because it's smaller there are no changing facilities on the beach. I had to walk all the way to Navy Pier to change - long line for the bathroom, with only 3 stalls - and then I had to walk back to the beach wearing only my bikini with nothing to cover me... It was a little embarrassing. (The dress I wore beforehand was too tight for me to wear over my bikini.) Stupid me didn't bring my phone with me so I couldn't let Matt know I was okay since I was gone for a while...

But...yeah...we set up the blanket, the chairs, got out the food and water... I got back to the beach at 6:15pm and we spent about half an hour in the water. That was nice... The lake really accentuated the height difference between Matt and I. He walked so far away from me before only his head showed above the water. A few times he dropped me in my height water but I was so clumsy I fell over anyway. :P And inhaled water.

Ill feeling, fridge broke down )
hani_backup: (Silhouette and shadows)
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"Fairest one of all" seems like it's linked to Snow White's crazy queen stepmother. So I'm assuming they're asking about physical stuff? 

I wouldn't change my smile. I wish my teeth were straighter and whiter, but I wouldn't change the overall smile. When it's sincere, it's blatantly sincere and it does the crinkling-eyes thing. Duchenne smile, for the win!

As for my personality and/or traits, I guess... My loyalty, if it's given freely. Or, sometimes, being able to see both sides of an argument if I'm not involved. Sometimes that sucks, cause I can unwittingly be the devil's advocate for a friend informing me about a fight when they want support. But other times it's a good thing. Someone once thanked me for bringing them down to Earth after they got really riled up about something, or anxious about something. With my own fights, after I cool down, I can see the other person's perspective usually. Makes for interesting phone calls, sometimes.


Jun. 13th, 2011 10:46 pm
hani_backup: (Seriously?)
Thomas: I am curious? Did you participate in slutwalk? You don't seem like a slut. :)
  I was readying your facebook update
  it loked like you've been having a good time with people.
 me: I don't seem like a slut? How do you define a slut?
  I wrote a note about Slutwalk Chicago
21:29 Maybe you should read it, first?
 Thomas: I only saw that you had met up with someone after
  I guess I will have to go read it.
  Give me a sec.

9 minutes
21:39 Thomas: Ah, now I understand
  I agree. sexual assault is never anyone's fault except the assaulters
21:40 me: Da.
21:41 Thomas: it seems weird that anyone would think differently
 me: It does.
21:42 Thomas: do you think people wear unnecessarily tempting clothing though?

Thanks... Nice to know I "don't seem like a slut."

me: How is it unnecessarily tempting?
21:43 Thomas: well, when one reveals the most sexual part of themselves they will autmatically set off a biological response in a man.
  Obviously the man has to choose what to do about it.
  but why would the woman want to pester the man with that to begin with.
21:45 me: "why would the woman want to pester the man with that to begin with"? It's perfectly possible that was never her intention .And I don't understand what you mean by "reveals the most sexual part of themselves" What is this "most sexual part of themselves"?
21:46 Thomas: well... either the breasts or the vaginal area
  that sort of stuff
21:47 me: Bikinis?
  What about men's bare chests?

Thomas: I don't think that's cool either

If you want to read the rest of it here, cool. He does question this rationally. I don't know if he got heated up on his own end, and that he had better control over how he phrased words and and stuff than me.

I was upset from the first comment of his of me not seeming like a slut, and then, and then, him asking abut females wearing "unnecessarily tempting" clothes. I know, I know he agrees and states several times that it is the man's fault for assaulting the female and not hte victim's fault -- it seems we're generalizing about males assaulting females, at least until the end -- but that whole "temptation" thing just...reeks, still, implicitly of blaming the female. And it reminds me of how I was raised. How I had to watch what I wore in case I tempted men, in case I made them think thoughts.

I'd agree there are times where people can be blamed for the type of thoughts they cause others to think -- primarily emotional abuse comes to mind -- and a few times my answers were simplistic but still, just...to think that, say that, ask that...

Rest of the chat )

And yeah, probably there are statistically more male rapists/sxual assauterls than female ones, but I got confused near the end if we were talking adult-adult or also cindluing children. I know i didn't end hte chat on arational note but...gah. I know it's likely others will read the chat and think I'm really overreacting and that he brings up good points or that he didn't raise his opniionions like an asshole douche and my feelings are blinding me to that. To be fair, he is a little on the conservative side, which is no surpsrised this reminded me of my aprents and how I was raised.

But I sitll feel even if a man's thoughts suddenly veer towards sexually thinking about a woman and that was her intent (because a lot of the times a woman wearing a sundress with a little cleavage doesn't want men to think of her that way or it doesn't even enter her mind but she just want st o dress lightly in the weather), why should that matter?


Jun. 7th, 2011 02:05 am
hani_backup: ("hushedwee")
When it shits, it becomes diarrhea.

There were some good moments this past weekend and Monday, but so much of it was just horrible and nauseating and cry-scream-worthy.
hani_backup: ("spider")
I know when we're angry our filter between thoughts and mouth can get really porous. (I think it's harder to forgive someone for hurting you and insulting you when they've actually thought it through.)

I also know that most people react very badly when they think they're being emotionally manipulated or blackmailed or threatened or given an ultimatum.

I got reminded of something when I looking up old emails with someone. I was trying to find a link they had sent about their volunteer work and found part of the following email. For some reason, until I reread this email, I had completely forgotten Nathaniel, in a response to thinking I was threatening him with cutting myself unless he kept his promises, told me to "fucking cut [myself] you bitch".

I don't like emotional blackmail, doing it or being a recipient of it. I had hoped I would keep my issues down enough that my partner wouldn't feel that way or that they'd give me enough credit to at least try to tell me if they're upset even though they know I don't respond very well to stressful situations. 2008 was the year I got sick, couldn't keep down food and lost weight to 79lbs. It took me the winter break between 2008 and 2009 to weigh more than 90lbs. I can see it from the other person's perspective, too. That even if the mentally ill/mentally unstable person didn't explicitly threaten, you're aware of the risk of saying something they're not quite ready to handle with but you can't hold in anymore and they react in a self-harming way so sometimes you censor yourself. But you also don't want to be held hostage to it.

I got really upset when I read the email I wrote my friend and the chat log (I use AIM through GMail). I called Matt and asked him if he'd ever felt like I was emotionally blackmailing him or he felt pressured or threatened or obligated in any way due to my self-harm. He said he's aware that I've gotten back to self-harming in moments of high distress, how can he not be aware of it, but also that he doesn't spare me. We had a big argument Saturday night - spent hours on the phone - and he said he didn't spare me then and he thinks I would have been insulted if I knew he was thinking of sparing me or have in the past. I would have, if I had known. He said he was aware of the risk that I may cut during/after the argument (not going to lie, I thought about it) but we had to fight out the issue. We're fine now and he's coming up tomorrow. :) But, yes, I'm glad he didn't spare me.

We've had several low blows in our 2-year relationship but nothing to that degree, I think, where we really prick into the other's sensitivities and vulnerabilities. We both can use sarcasm. It may still come and slip out. And if it does, well, I know that'd really hurt. It hurts anytime. But I really hope, even in the red-hot moment of rage, that I'd have enough self-control to not reach in that bag of "really really sensitive stuff almost to the point of unforgivable or forgivable only after a looooong time." Or I'd even forget what his sensitivities were and just fight about whatever we were fighting and try to put the blame all on his side. >_<

Way back in February 2008 )
hani_backup: (L - Make damn sure)
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Ew, no.

If I had the ability to hear people's thoughts but could turn it off and tell others about it, maybe. Always useful in moments of wanting to know if someone's bullshitting to you. Or when you're haggling for a lower price in the market, to see the lowest the seller would be willing to go! :D If I was civic-minded and society was built in such a way that mind-readers were useful to law enforcement, maybe.

But targeted to one or two people, with no mute or off switch and no telling? Fuck, no.
hani_backup: (Clap)
(973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
(1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming

I had to groan when I read that. But it's pretty good, off the cuff.
hani_backup: (Default)

How the brain hard-wires us to love Google, Twitter, and texting. And why that's dangerous.

Interesting article. It's too long for me to copy and paste here in full-text. If anything, this is one reason I'm afraid to even begin on Twitter. I'm already hooked on the Internet/Wikipedia/Googling/IMDB-ing for hours and texting...
hani_backup: ("TAconcept2")
3 C's )

From this article which is an excerpt from a book. I've never seen an episode of Bravo TV's "The Millionaire Matchmaker." So I don't know how reliable she is.

But this seems common sense. Or perhaps that's just hindsight and experience talking. I think when I was younger, I didn't give much heed to the communication part about resolving arguments or being able to state your feelings without feeling judged. And some parts of compatibility. I think I assumed if we can talk on the phone for hours about likes and dislikes, that ease will automatically apply to all types of communication we need, including deeper things. Hmmm.
hani_backup: (L - Make damn sure)
Rotten office fridge cleanup sends 7 to hospital
Full text article )


It would fit that the woman cleaning it out in the first place couldn't smell because of her allergies. I feel sorry the other workers got so sick and nauseous from the fumes. And a hazmat team being called in...wow...

In other news, I was introduced to a website called "Texts From Last Night." Some were hilarious, others horrific (in that they're cringe-worthy). Mind you, a lot of them are sexually centered.
(314): Most awkward sex ever...
(314): And im texting you in the middle.

(908): It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers

(434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
(540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

(408): hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
(650): nah, i'm gonna grab some food

(651): Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.

(989): Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.

I was reading the past entries for Patrick Rothfuss's blog. He's the author of The Name of the Wind. I found the entry for V-day for his girlfriend Sarah hilarious.

The entry  )

I know the date for his second book got pushed back indefinitely, but I'm glad he's taking care while writing it.

Nothing really happened today, besides napping in this heat...

For the Tori Amos fans on my friendlist, here are the dates for her tour in the US and Canada this summer.

Dates )


hani_backup: (Default)

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